i thought...

i really thought i'm gonna be stuck forever under him.

hell no. thank god i managed to survive the down swing of life.

that day, that moment he said he is okay and i can just go,

is the time i finally accepted i lost the stupid game.

and yes i lost but doesn't mean i lost forever.

so i stood up and move on.

and it happened, surprisingly, i did.

i have moved on. finally i'm awake from my deepest dreams.

good morning chels~

God！

我爱你。我想你。and 我不知道，=(

Yeah!

Yeah CheLs.

Get over him.

When he left, he left.

He won't come back.

He is gone.

So you better go on your own way too.

You have a life.

You're beautiful, strong, brave.

And you ain't living to let someone tear you down.

There's no room for tears nor emotional moments.

It's holiday bitches.

Enjoy life, cause it's too short to make it longer for someone.

Especially for someone who chose to make it shorter.

Wo Bu Zhi Dao!

I`m always told to forget him. But no matter what I do, I just can't. They asked me to think of the worst thing he has ever done to me and fuck him off. But no matter how bad things could get worse between me and him, there will always be good memories that I will forever cherish and that will always outweigh the bad moments.

我不知道，I don't know why I love him so much. I don't know why I loved him too much. He has something that keeps me coming back. He has something that makes me love him more each day. Something I cannot figure out. Something no one knows, something that only God can explain. I hope that something will lose it's hope like how I lost them. But it seemed to be stronger than me. It seemed to have a control over me.

I hate him, so much. But a part of me will always love him. I am a brave and strong lady. I never walk away from anything. But I`m afraid of one thing and it's to have my heart broken. He broke my heart, scattered them into pieces, and tore me apart, but I don't know why, why I can't just let go.

Without him around me, I smile, I laugh, I enjoy life and pretend that everything's fine. But when he is around me, fake smiles, faded laughter and I feel weak to pretend that things are alright. I get angry, I want to cry, I want throw things, I want to scream and I want to hurt myself when I see him. And I don't know why he affects me so much.

He makes me weak. He can make me cry. He can tear me down and I don't know why. After I met him, after I got my heart broken, I doubted myself,
"Am I still me? Or is this the real me?"
My deepest thoughts said, "Neither, it's someone who lives in you."
I wonder when will the time come that I won't have to cry myself to sleep and hide my true feelings from everybody. I wonder when I can smile without any pain behind it and when I can cry because of joy.

p.s. "I prefer you set me free than me letting you go."


~ CheLs,

For you~

我爱你 Daniel, Still I do. 和我不知道。

我想你。我想念你的微笑。 =（

I hope you know. I hope you still read my blog.

我会在这里，等待。

我还是流下了眼泪， every once in a while.

There is just a lot of memories to remember,

和我不能忘记。 =（

Haiz, 我希望你知道，that 我爱你。

I Miss Him

I miss the old Daniel. I miss his smile.

The Daniel I see everyday is not the Daniel I met back then. He is not the same Daniel who asked me out for lunch. The Daniel who take chances. The Daniel who prefer to call me instead of Text messaging. The Daniel who sings to me. The Daniel who disturbs me. The Daniel who I share laughter with. The Daniel who loves me. You changed a lot, and I think you are not the Daniel I fell love at first sight with.

I regret not appreciating what I have. I regret not appreciating you. And I`m sorry. I know it's hard to turn back time or to bring back things into the way there were. I know it's impossible. But I wish Second chances does exist. I wish second chances can make things better. I wish I could get you back, I wish i have one more chance.

To you My sweetie

Dear Daniel,

I want you to know I am not letting go. Although sometimes I almost did. But there is just something that keeps me coming back to you. That every time I walk away, something calls me to to turn around. I know you don't want me no more. You don't really have to tell me because it's pretty obvious from your action. I`m writing this not to make you come back or to ask you to come back or to force you to come back. I just want to let you know I will always be here. I just hope you will realize what you have.

"Appreciate what you have, be content because you won't know until you lose it. So stop asking for more." These words made me realize what I HAD until I lost it, till I lost YOU. I hope you won't do the same mistake as I did. I`m not saying it's a bad effect when you lose me, I`m just saying, don't do the same mistake, sit and think, you might realize.

And if you didn't, then it's worth it for you to just set me free and go. Stop keeping me wait, it's either a yes or a no. I did not give you an "I Don't Know" choice so you cannot always give me that. If you are enjoying to see me suffer and if you love watching me in pain, free to just go since you've already taken a lot from me. I just hope you would take me instead of my strength, love, respect, trust and faith.

But I guess you wouldn't. That day will never come. That everything I needed and wanted will never be mine. But I will still be here, loving you. Because I swore my love would remain. I will be air that you breathe, I will give you the strength that you need, I will be the light in your eyes when hope becomes hard to see, I will be your shining star to guide you wherever you are and I promise that I will be by your side. As a friend and if you needed me more than just a friend, I will be there.

Songs

So I woke up with a really bad mood. Because I was still dreaming when a song played. A song that woke me up. The song was "Swear it again" by Westlife. The lyrics just reminded me of him. The sing just made me think of him. The song just made me wish he would sing it to me. Because the words are the exact songs I wanna hear from him. The whole song is just so perfect. And it's making me realize. It is making me think again. I am waiting and my feelings will remain the same. Should I swear it all over again?

Funny but it's the FACT

Just in case you find someone nicer and way better than me, go ahead. I will set you free and I won't stop you. But if ever she let go of you because she found someone else better than you, turn around I will be there...

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And I will tell you "Set her free and don't stop her because it's Karma that is suppose to make you feel guilty of how you made me feel bad about myself.

3 reasons why I smile

This girls is named Christine. My Sayang and my Puppy. She can be the most retard and crazy person around. But not without me. She is the clumsy type, loud but has the most silent thoughts. She has a kind heart and a really naughty character.

Today: So I we went to the toilet to pee and guess what, we always pee together. I meant one cubicle.

If she can pee silently, I CANNOT. Then we went to eat pizza hut with my other two crazy girl friends (Alice and Miya) and my classmates.

This girl with me on the right side is ALICE! My Penguin. My babe. She is as crazy as Christine. She alter decisions and changes mind really fast but later change it back. Naughty, LOUD, funny and crazy. Today: She just kept on laughing while me and Christine were dancing. And she laughed like she hasn't seen anyone danced before.

Now this girl, is named MIYA. My dear. My Cat. She is the most gentle lady I've ever met. She is the totally opposite of Christine. And Alice falls between both of them. And I, well I guess I can either be on the top or middle. I know I won't be in the bottom, Cause I cannot be gentle.

Miya is gentle, kind, and lovely. When she laughes, her eyes disappear. If Christine, Me and Alice are the loud type, Miya is a Silent type. But with us, she is the loudest of all.

These three people are the ones I cannot live without. Before I only had Alice. Then I met Christine then Daniel. I lost Daniel and God gave me a new friend and it's you Miya. God showed me that every time I lost someone doesn't mean I won't get a new one.

You three are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. With all of you, I forget college shit, love problems, house chores and life's crap. With all of you, I can relax, I laugh, I forget things and I am ME. I don't have to pretend. I never have to hide anything. And I feel embarrassed but I felt comfortable with the three of you. As you know, Christine has heard me fart. Miya has seen me eat like a pig and Alice has watched how I sleep.

Without them, I can't even last for a day. It's hard. Friends. I knew what friends are for. To stand up with each other especially when one needs a hand. To comfort each other when the other feels down. To make each other laugh to get over sad things. To love each other when sometimes we don't get it from our own partner. Just always remember none of you will ever feel alone. I meant, we're 4 in this group. Impossible that if one go, the others goes too. 4 of us, always and together until forever. You guys are the reason why I can smile right now. You are the reason why at the most difficult time of my life, I can manage to smile. Thank you!

~The Kucings.

My thoughts and feelings

So days pass by, and I`m still waiting. I will keep waiting until I lost that one reason why I`m still holding on. You (Daniel) know, people tell me, there`s no more left for me, no more reason for me to stay. Because you have moved on, and I can't be forever stuck here waiting because you are not coming back. Let's just say you really aren't coming back, What's wrong with waiting? You MIGHT come back, then it will be worth it than regretting in the end and blaming myself for not giving it a try. Love says if I really want to get something I should fight for it. So I will be right here waiting for you.

How do you expect to forget a person who already lives in you? Daniel, you lived in my heart and mind for one month. How do you and others expect me to forget and go on within 2 weeks?! It's not even 2 weeks yet, 4 days! Torture me, make me suffer, hurt me and watch me in pain, I don't care. Maybe god made you test me and I am testing myself, how far can I go. How far can I fight for you. How strong am I to hold on. They ask me, Why am I so stupid to love someone who doesn't really love me? I answered them, "Neither of us know whether he loves me or not, so stop telling me what to do." Daniel, you gave me the strength to stand up. So I will fight until the end. I won't give up on you unless you give me a reason to. I hope I can show you better than writing all this crap wondering if you will even read it. But at least I pulled out whats in me. It's bothering me, it's tearing me down and it's making me love you more each day. The choice is in you, whether you will take me in your arms again or just let me go. I am not making you choose, but you have to because you can't leave me like this. Not like this. I hope I`m giving you the time you need.

Every time I look up at the sky, I am only expecting to see one thing. A star. A star to grant my wish. I wish there will always be You and I.

You know how crazy I am to wait for your call. For a message from you. Or your presence. Every day I wake up, I wake up with only one thing in my mind. I wake up alone, without you. I just wish someday, you will come and say "I love you" again. Because I am really dying to hear it from you. I miss you. I miss your touch, your hug, your kiss, your warmth, the way you look at me, the way you call my name, the way you take me into your arms, the way you pull me against you and the way you say you love me too.

In Love,

CheLs~

no title

I Love You Still Daniel...

For you

If you still visit my blog, if you're planning to read, this is for you.

You are the sunshine that came right after a heavy rain in my life. You completely changed me and my life. You made me a lot more understanding and patient. With you I knew what love really means, with you I felt love. So if I will wake up everyday knowing that you are no longer mine, I prefer to stay in my dreams where there you are all that I have. I love you. And I cannot deny that. God can send me a thousand of guys who is a lot deserving than you and who is much better. They are nothing to me, they can be better, yes. But at some point, YOU, to me is enough and enough is more than better. I just hope one day you will realized how much I really love you.

To: Daniel.

no titLe

=(

To you...

There I was waiting. Kept waiting and now, I am so hopeless. As day pass by, my love for you gets stronger and I love you more and more each day. I tried to control but I just can't. I can't hold on any longer, especially to something that is not mine. I should not claim you mine cause you were never mine. I cannot be around you anymore now that I know she is hear to stay. I know you need her more than you need me and I know you are a lot happier with her than with me. So I am letting you go. I am setting you free cause I have no more right and purpose to stay where I am now. We rushed things out, we made decisions without thinking and ended up pushing each other far. Until the point came that distance and space are both created and it's eating up the time left for us. I just wished I had you completely. But I know that wish will just fade like how wind passes by. I loved you and I always will. Maybe it's not just the right time or just not meant to be. I am sorry. But it hurts too much and I cannot hold onto it anymore. Good luck with her~

That PART

There will always be that special part that would and could change my mind completely.

I cannot handle this pain anymore. I cannot sleep with it for another 3 days. I cannot live with it any longer. Can someone encourage me and give me the power to let go? Because every time I settle my mind to break up. A few minutes later my mind will change and I don't know how it alter direction. It feels like a part of me keeps telling me 'to hold on for a while, just for a while, don't let go, not now.' Hold on for what? What am I waiting for? An answer? Would it be a benefit for me? Would the answer make me happy? Every time I ask these questions, it seemed like my heart responds and says 'That's why hold on and find out by yourself.' But what if he choose her? Then I ended up waiting for nothing.

I just don't understand why I keep holding on. I know I've waited all my life for this feeling to come. And it finally arrived. Why would I let it go right? Sometimes I also think and ask myself, why am I giving up if it's all that I ever wanted? Why am letting go if I already spent half of my life waiting for it? I don't understand myself. There are conflicts between, me my heart and my mind itself. I feel crazy. Too much pain is already kept in me. And I don't why and how my heart manages to keep going on even if it knows that this love is already bleeding out to nothing. I wonder why my heart is so stubborn and why not just let go.

He is just so different from others. There is something in him that keeps me loving him more and more each day. I feel so stupid to love him so much. But its love. I never listened, I never do anything, I just stayed quiet and do my own thing. So there's no one to blame but myself. But I am happy with him. Except right now, cause I am in a situation. A situation like another competition has rose. But the hardest part is, I don't even know who my competition is. And I am worried I might lose cause it seemed harder than before. Maybe it's like a challenge to me whether I can hold on and stay and fight. Cause I am very well known as a coward and very kind to let go easy of someone for other people. If this is a challenge my lord, I am not giving up on him until he say so or until he give me a reason to.

- Encouraged.

The worse thing that could Happen

1. Getting Hurt

When we fall in love we get hurt, it will heal but there will always be a scar. There will always be a mark there to stay and to remind you how much you loved that person and to remind you how much pain you've gone through with him/her.

Physical pain has it's valid, positive point. It is a continual feedback to tell us what to do and what not to do. It limit us from doing things and reminds us what we should not try. Once we get hurt, a part of us will always know how much it hurt, how much pain we felt that would alarm our system and let us know.

If we are going through an emotional pain, it is a message that we need to change our approach or see things differently. If we feel hurt or dumped by someone, the message would be, "Love those in your life without expectations. Accept them as they are and take what they want to give without judgement." Alternatively, it means, "Do not let the actions of others destroy your self-esteem". Pain causes us to change direction. It prompts us to see things differently. If we keep doing something stupid, we keep getting hurt.

2. Ended up waiting for nothing

We should all know that waiting is really a stupid thing to do in the world. Have you ever noticed that when you are sitting down waiting for a taxi and it never seemed to arrive? The longer you wait the longer it takes time to come - "A watched pot will never boil."

As a general example, a person waiting for a phone call from a friend and it seemed to be that person is having some trouble contacting you. After waiting for what seemed like hours, you decided to do something else and then by that minute the phone call will come through.

So if you will sit and wait, stand up and do something else. Because it will take a long time to arrive, sometimes it never comes. So get busy with something else for a while. Get on and live your life, don't really have to bother about what you're waiting for. Cause if you learn how to let go of the situation, it will accelerate the results.

So stop waiting if you don't want it to turn into nothing.

HeLp me pray to our Lord to grant my wish

I cannot imagine a life without you. Because with you I found what love really is. It is something we cannot control, a feeling we can never hide. With you I felt a certain happiness. Happiness that no one can ever give me. With you I smile endlessly even though at times you may be the reason for my tears. I have one question, Could it be possibly be you and me until the end?

Dear Daniel,

I love you so much. And you know that right? I hope you would stop by here and read my blog again like how you used to do. I know we're going through the most complicated part of our relationship. But I want you to know that I`m just trying to do the best I can to keep this thing on going. But I know I will not be able to do anything by the time you make your decisions. And I am only left with an option of letting go. Without you is a whole lot crazier than with you. But the crazy moments with you are the ones I would treasure forever if ever you decided to move on and live our life on our own separate ways.

I want to let you know, that I don't want to lose you. And to live without you is the last thing I would ever wish. A life without you is like hell. I know I sound so stupid to talk like this, like saying goodbyes and all crap. I just want to be ready of what you're answer would be. I am just preparing in case I'd get hurt. I am still waiting for your answer. What ever your answer is, I would support and accept. Well I hope I meant that word "accept".

So if you would still go I will understand. And if you choose to stay I will hold your hand and never let go. I just hope you would stay.

I miss you. I miss the times we had together. I miss those days you bully me like your sister, you hang out with me like your brother, you care for me like your mother and respect me like your father and annoy me like your best friend. I miss you Daniel, I miss you a lot. Please stay.

I know we cannot always get what we want and/or need. But what if I say I really need it badly? Will it be given to me? Why does it happen to some people and why not to me too? I am only asking for one thing. One thing but it's all that I would ever want. I need him and I want him, so please help me lord to fight this loneliness and take this pain away. Cause I am truly madly crazily in love with him.

Just in case...

What would happen to me just in case the rumors are true?

What would happen to me just in case you chose her instead of me?

What would happen to me if you break up with me tonight?

Or tomorrow? Or next day? Or the following days?

Or next week? Or next month?

Daniel, I love you. Please encourage me to hold on to you. Please give me a reason to stay. Please show me it's just me, ONLY me. I trust you, but I need to know the truth from you. Nothing but the truth. I know you already told me, but through phone is not enough. An answer is not enough. Show me that it is not true. Please. I'm begging you.

I Hate Hackers

Today. I couldn't access my facebook account.

I sat down and tried to retrieve it.

But I couldn't. They said my account is disabled.

And Spammed.

They kept sending me security checks.

I meant, What the heck. Also secured from the owner itself.

I followed their simple stinky rules and still cannot go through.

Damn lost my mood about facebook.

I`m inviting all the nerds and genius people

to create a new social network!

No TitLe

There are times that I feel really alone.

And or sometimes I feel i`m alone living in the world.

And there are a lot of times that I feel no one is there for me.

But it all changed when you came along.

When you came into my life.

When you were introduced to me.

And when you locked your eyes to mine.

For the first time, I finally felt someone saw me.

And you made me feel that.

With you, I never felt alone.

Although I cannot deny that at times I feel lonely.

Lonely when you're out doing something else.

Lonely when you're busy talking to someone else when you're with me.

Lonely when you always rush me home, like you want to get rid of me.

I am not complaining, cause maybe it's just you.

But sometimes, I think back.

Are you the one? Are you really the one?

or Am I the one for you?

or Am I good enough for you?

Well, I don't really know. Who knows?

Only heaven knows.

It might be you

Something in me telLs me it might be you I`ve been waiting for alL my Life.
If i`d take the chance and beLieve, wouLd it be a Lot worth it?
HonestLy, I do beLieve. Even if i don't have the exact reason why.
It`s just that i know, and i`m sure.
In a way I know my heart wilL Lead me to the path where I want.
It`s no Longer about what i need. Cause finalLy...

FinalLy, i found you.






~ CheLS

Things we can't explain

There are a lot of things we - humans - cannot explain. We couldn't explain because we couldn't find the right and exact words or sometimes we just don't understand. "They" said those things that we couldn't explain our the things only the inside part of us could.

My story:

I am a very good thinker. As in I will just keep quiet and start thinking. In my mind, it seemed like i tried communicating with my own heart. Every little things that come into my mind, seriously my mind will start functioning and think and think and think. And honestly, the results will always come negative. Always negative. I don't know why.

Like now, I don't understand myself. I feel there is something wrong. But I can't think what could it be. (The heart will never ever work with the mind - they are always against each other) But I know, it's something bad, something not good. Should I confront this feeling? Right now, there is something in my mind. But as I said, it is always negative. And yes it is negative, and guess what, I'm thinking that maybe he don't love me. Thinking about it makes me cry. And I don't want to think about it, but it's stuck there. It's like my mind is only functioning because that thing is running around my mind.

Thinking about it makes my heart feel so heavy. It's like there's a cement block on top of my heart. *damn* I hate this kinds of feelings. It seriously kills me and it can easily tear me down. Tear me down like shit. Knock out in 2 seconds. I feel so tired, like i ran for 1000 miles non-stop. I can't stop thinking too much! *Urgh*

What to do? I already forgot what to write. Because THAT thing took over my whole brain. And my whole brain is thinking about it. *holyshit* I just feel like crying right now. I just feel so lonely. I can't explain this feeling. And I`m scared to ask that maybe the answer and respond may be not good. That's why I never confront. I never talk it out. I just keep it inside me. I just feel it alone. Go through it alone. And I am now.

- Teardrops on my guitar -

You were once a stranger.

I may have done crazy things, stupid things like being with someone who I`m not really suppose to be with. Well, that's kind of one of my negative things. I don't think before I do. Which I really have to change in me.

But that thing changed itself when a stranger came along. He wasn't really a stranger, I just referred to him as a stranger because I know nothing about him. But I knew one thing. He changed me. And when I met him, he just keep on changing me. Changing me to a better person.

Now here I am, writing letters with sweet words. He made a difference in me and he got me as soon as our eyes met. It's funny how we ended up looking at the same direction. I meant I did not expect this to happen. I had no idea that he would come. It's not what I thought but still you were that stranger that came along, and to you, I found Love.

David De Gea - My sweetheart

Manchester United Goal Keeper No 1

SmiLe to the WorLd

So yeah, I spent my day with Christine, my crazy crazy and wonderful and pretty and kind and sweet best friend. We swam and swam and took pictures and chat and chat and eat.

I miss her already. We were talking about our birds the whole day. I meant, don't take that term "bird" in the wrong way. We we're talking about "the couple who loves each other so much are called Love Birds and the couples who argue a lot are angry birds." That made me laugh.

Oh, back to the topic, we were talking about our men. Mr Reuven Wan for her and Mr Daniel Gan for me. Isn't it like a co-incidence? Wan and Gan fell in love with Christine and Chels. A two retard and crazy and clumsy type girls. Well it is a miracle and we thank god we have them. They are like angels who fell down from heaven and they landed on both of us.

And oh, after me and christine finished swimming. My Gangan came before he head straight to his work. And when he reached my place, I was still having the time of my life in the shower. But trust me, I tried to bath as fast as I could cause I know he is coming. But I did not expect him to reach my place 10 minutes later after I dropped the phone call.

I spent 5 minutes with him. Sitting down there, while Christine took 6 to 7 photos of us. And he didn't even realized. Then in a while he had to rush to his work cause he is 1 hour late. I walked with him to his car and kissed goodbye and the funny part is the guard in my condo was smiling at me and saying "Boyfriend eyh."

I just kept on smiling. I was thankful to see him even if for only 5 minutes. I`m still happy. And in fact, i can't explain how happy and I look like a complete retard. And Christine is the witness in everything. We ate a lot of chocolates while talking about Reuven and Daniel. And it's just so memorable. The best part is when Daniel called Christine just to tell her to delete the photos she took cause he said he looks ugly.

And the best best best part is he told her in the end, "Please tell my girlfriend I love her and I miss her." in Chinese. And after she told me, I don't how will i react. I wanted to jump in happiness. SO what I did is just smile and smile and smile. Till I couldn't breathe. Oh, I just love this feeling. Song of the day: You Got Me by Colbie Caillat ; "I tried to hide I like you."

ps; I Love You Daniel Gan Hock Meng. I Love You So Much!

Love Letter by Juris Fernandez and Lyrics

You ROCK my world!

Honestly, I want to cry! And I don't know why. From the story of the stars, they said, "You will know the best things in life when you shed a tear." From the bottom of my heart, I love you. I love you with all my heart. And I can spend my day saying those words over and over again without getting bored of it. Because, saying it gives me the feeling that I've been waiting for. What took you so long to come to my life? You know, the first day I saw you, deep inside, I know there is something in you. Something in you that a part of me cannot live without. Thinking about you, hearing your name, writing this things about and even looking at your pictures makes me smile. A smile that has different meanings. A smile that glows from my heart. I`m sorry, because I can't just find the right and exact words. You mean a lot to me Daniel. You changed my life. You brought me to a whole new world. You showed me what love really is. I hope you would take me into your arms everyday and don't let me go. Because with you I feel safe, with you I know I will be safe. This feeling. This feeling I can't explain. No one can explain. Actually no words can. This feeling that brings me to a different world. This feeling that makes me smile for no reason. This feeling that brings tears to my eyes. This feeling that I feel when I`m with you. This feeling that I feel when you look at me. This feeling that I get when you call my name. Is the feeling I can live with forever. It is also the feeling that completed my life. Daniel, you gave me a reason to live, to smile, to love. You gave me a purpose to this world. All along, I thought no one see me, I thought I will never get to something like this. But here I am. And I thank you with all my heart, I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't go through without you. It is all because of you Daniel. And I promise I will always be beside you no matter what. I will not stop loving you till you say so. I hope you know that. I`m grateful I found you and now that I have you, expect me not to let go of you. When we met, I knew we could be something special. I was wrong. We are something amazing and I'm blown away that I'm so lucky to have you. When I'm with you everything is better. With you I am me. Just me. With you I never have to hide. Can you remember the first day we met? October 19th, Wednesday, Lunch time @ Chinese Shop. Can you remember the first time our eyes met? October 19th, Wednesday, Lunch time @ Chinese Shop, I will never forget that day, that day was the first day I felt there is something, when you locked your eyes to mine. Can you remember our first kiss? October 24th, Monday, Pool side of my Condo. Damn, that night you kissed me, my world stopped turning, my time stopped running, my heart stopped beating.

With you, I wish to share my life with.

~ CheLs. *inspired*

dedicated to my dear, sweetie, love, baby, to my daniel!

It is L.I.F.E.

Life. Yes, life is sometimes cruel. Sometimes not, right?

I`m sure somewhere in between of the worries, or fights, or sadness there is always a part of you that keeps the best memories in life.

Yes, sometimes you fall and tumble down. But doesn't mean you won't stand up. You fall because you have to learn how to stand back up for yourself. Be as defensive as you can, it's your life anyways. I mean, you don't HAVE to, my point is what if in the future there is no one left for you to trust or lean on? So you're just gonna lie down there and wait for someone to offer a hand? You have a leg right? (ok that's off topic!)

As I was saying, in Life, you need to learn how to say "what if" and start letting go of the word "maybe". They are never meant to be together. "What if" will always make you think twice. It is good so you can think again whether you're making the right decision. "Maybe" is a word that pulls you to the negative world. Which means YES indirectly. Wanna bet? (Joking)

Example:

1. You've been waiting for an hour for your boyfriend/girlfriend, then you're friend came up to you and invited you to just go out with him/her instead. What would you answer? Maybe? or What if?

Well yeah, that't is I guess. I kinda lost and forgot what I was going to say. Because HE just drives me crazy. Oh, I Love You Sweetie.

Oh, and it's your life anyways, it can be as messy as you think, it can be as complicated as it is, you can't do anything. NO ONE can. Just go with the flow.

SmiLe aLways, Cheers. &&

That GirL

CheLsi.

The girL who types the Letter [ L ] in capitaL. The cLumsy type. TaLkative. FriendLy. Kind. Sweet.

Idk what to type. Idk how to describe myseLf.

Hmm. Manchester United fan?

Argh. Idk!

I wilL never Let you go

Teenage Life.

Teenage Life. The best experience in our lives. Although sometimes it sucks. But we create the good and bad things in it, our main duty is to make the most of it. For most of us, especially girls, we fill our teenage life with more tears and sorrow rather than laughter and cheers. But most of the time we enjoy.

Teenage Life. This is when we make mistakes then we learn from them but we re-do till we learn it by heart. This is when we make hard decisions and then change it then change it again because nothing is stable for us. This is also when we fall but we learn how to get back up. In teenage life, we follow no one's rules, we praise no one but ourselves, we trust our closest friends and we are always right. But in the end, we always stand corrected by someone else. It is when we argue with parents, it is when we are the BOSS.

In teenage life, we blame people, we scold people and we are never wrong. We cry then we run to our friends. In teenage life, 99% we think our parents would never understand us. Because it is just too complicated. But actually, we make it complicated for ourselves. We prefer rain than daylight, we prefer night stars than morning sunshine. It is because dreaming is better. And it is because in dreams we get things that can never be ours in reality.

Teenage Life. We get pimples. Oily faces, messed up hairs, PMS, get drunk and parties a lot. We easily get pissed, we lose control on our temper and sometimes on ourselves. This is when we do somethings then in the end we regret. We cry and wish to turn back time.

In teenage life, we experience the best feeling that's ever created in the world. To fall in love. With the wrong sort or not, we still fall in love. For no reason and for many reason, we are in love. People can say many things, many shits, but we trust our instincts most of the time. We follow our heart more than our head and we listen to no one. We have imaginary friends to make decisions with and we do our thing without consultations and permissions. In teenage life, we fall in love, we smile, we break up, we cry, we forget, we move on and we fall in love again. It's natural, it's life. It is teenage life.

~ CheLs

article #24 ; you copy, i wilL bite you. *cheers*

He is the 1

I aLways pray to have a fairytaLe-Like reLationship with someone. And i aLways wish to have a prince boyfriend. i know, in reaLity, i wilL never find a good prince. I meant, PERFECT one. but some peopLe, don't realLy have to be PERFECT to be a good prince. And i`m sure it is true. because i found one. not so good, but the best.

Even though he never telLs me sweet things at Least he shows me that he can be the sweetest for me. and damn it, he did and i felL on my feet. yes, i aLmost fainted. i remember alL the things he did for me. every day different things. and it makes me go crazyyyyyyyyy!

1. He Sent me home - my ex wilL aLways waLk me home hoLding my hand but it Looked Like he was my baby sitter. Yes hoLding my hand but pulLing me. i meant, he waLks ahead of me. you guys understand what i meant right? this guy, i purposedLy waLked behind him and guess what, he took my waist and pulLed me beside him and cLoser to him. he did not took my hand but he pLaces his arms around my shouLders. *Cheers*
2. Kisses - for the first time i met someone who prefer a kiss in a forehead than the Lips.
3. Hugs - he hugs me realLy tight and usualLy realLy Long.
4. The way he Looks into my eyes - oh shit, this one. i turn red every time he does this. He Locks his eyes to mine, i feeL Like my worLd stops turning, i feeL something that no words can expLain. i Just feeL Like i`m in heaven. The feeLing is good. damn good.
5. He sang a song to me (thru phone) - the night i calLed him, he sang to me a song, and it was the best song. "AngeLs Brought me Here" . HoLy shit! i was biting my Lips the whoLe time, and i did not reaLized. I feLt overwheLmed.
6. We went out - so i went out with him for a movie with a coupLe of friends and of course, i sat beside him, (alL i ever dreamt) and his Left hand took my hand then the other on the wheeLs (alL i ever dreamt - Like in movies).
7. He sang a song to me again (this time looking into my eyes) - whiLe we were stuck in the jam the time we went out, he sang a song to me "Lucky" and he asked me to sing with him. HoLy shit, *heaven*.
8. He HeLd my hand - and toLd me not to Let go.
9. whispers iLoveyou - yes, whiLe we were stuck in the jam, he kept on pulLing me cLoser to him, and he wilL whisper he Loves me and then he wilL kiss my cheeks gentLy. *hoLy shit* i loved it!
10. He fed me - yes, this sounds insane, but i find it sweet. no one has ever done that to me. i cLearLy said that i don't want to eat. but he stilL fed me. *like a baby* and i Loved it.
11. He comes to schooL for me - even if he don't have cLass. even if he is so tired and even if he is sick. he wilL aLways come for me. he said he comes to see me and he don't want me to go home by myseLf. *sweet*
12. He comforts me when i`m sick - i saw how worried he was when he thought i was sick. actualLy i`m not, i was just warm because... i aLso don't know. i wasn't sick and he started to get worried because he thought i was having a fever. but i have a stomachache, i was Lyind down on the sofa whiLe he was doing his work in front of me. he Looked at me and said "come here, sit with me" and he asked me to sit on his Lap and hugged me.
13. He stilL folLowed - today, i was totalLy pissed at him. i meant, i couLdn't controL myseLf because i was having my PMS day! so yeah, i didn't mean to be such a bitch, i ignore him and did not taLked to him. and i toLd him that i wilL go home by myseLf and just waLked away without any goodbyes or anything. whiLe i was waLking, i saw him waLking behind me. then i caLmed down and re-think. how couLd i be such a bitch to him. after what he did for me. welL i cannot bLame him if he is angry at me now. its basicalLy my fauLt anyways.

So yeah, for now that`s alL. His name is DanieL Gan Hock Meng.

he is an athLete, a good one. naughty, dangerous but attractive. loving and caring. and a realLy realLy bad boy. but i love him with alL my heart. i`m happy and i don't care what others wilL say. I love him and no one can change that.

24th October 2011 ~> the day my life began.

I folLow my heart

I know.

I've heard that news every where.

over and over again.

more than twice a day actualLy.

and i've heard enough.

i know. it is true.

but doesn't mean i don't trust him.

i beLieve he is one.

but i trust him that he is different now.

i know cause i feeL so.

and it's worth a try anyways.

so why not just grab it.

since regrets are aLways in the end.

so now, better just give chances.

and i did. Love~

Pause.

So yeah.

my love story ended realLy badLy.

and i ended up with onLy 4 chapters.

and i can't do anything.

so sorry.

inLove again

The feeLing when you cannot controL yourseLf from falLing in Love.

The worst part is you don't know whether you are falLing in Love with the right guy.

But you aLways wish he is the right one even if he shows you everything that doesn't match your dream guy. That is the power of Love.

But what wouLd you do, if you had enough and Let him go and then suddenLy,

you reaLize he is the one? But you're too Late?

We aLways wish we knew, we aLways wish we couLd turn back time.

But we can't. That is the power of CrueLty in Love.

So think twice when you make decisions.

Cause what your mind think may be wrong when you feeL it is right.

But it is not. No need to make fast decisions, you make one then change then change it again.

Cause when you're inLove nothing is stabLe.

- CheLs -

I`m in Love. SmiLes.

Yes, I'm in love.totally. I found a way to be free from the nightmare I had. It kinda hurts but I'm happy. I'm happy of who I am now. I'm happy of where I am now. It's fun and comfortable to be around his arms. It feels good to be with him, it feels right. Thanks to you.

I won't be where I am now without you. Even though I've gone through craps, shits and more, I'm happy of what it turned out to be in the end. Actually after 4 months? I'm happy for you, hope you're happy too. Enjoy life the way we used to enjoy it together. I love you, but I love him more. I know the same goes for me and her, but I'm happy somehow I had an experience with you.

i said so - knew it.

I was enjoying my day. I was happy and for the first time I did not think about you. And out of all the sudden, I happened to visit your wall. There I see you are in a relationship with someone better.

It hurts but somehow I'm happy. Happy for you and finally I found a reason to really let go of you completely. I couldn't believe that I was so selfish and stupid. I did not think about what you felt when you found out about mine. But now I know. I'm so sorry. Hope you can forgive me. I did not mean to do such things. Just know that I still love you. But that would be the last time I'm saying. I gotta let you go, now. Goodbye and be happy, same goes for me.

thought so - still.

I thought I was completely over you. I thought I forgot everything about You and I. I thought I'd be happy once you're gone.

But I thought wrong. I realized I'm still affected of everything. A blow of a wind from the past can cause me a lot of damage. It hurts. I never thought of you, not even once. But when I woke up this morning, all I remember was a dream about you from my deepest sleep. All that happened in my dreams was you and I. There was still YOU AND I. I couldn't help it, so I went to visit your wall on face-book. You posted that you're in love. I didn't feel a thing. But I'm sure I would when time comes. Time when you have what I have now. I'm not ready.

I can't believe I'm so selfish. I did not think about you nor about your feelings when I had a boyfriend and I didn't wanna feel whatever you felt. But I guess I have no other option, I'll end up there anyway. I'm not so sure what I'm feeling right now, all I'm sure about is...

I still love you.

Turn.Around - Love.Crap

Yesterday. 10th May. Damn.

We fought from morning till the day ended. And I can barely recall the reason why we fought. But all I know, he still loves me no matter what.

Anyways, today's blog is about. Love.Crap.

The Craps of Love. *smiles*

When you fall in love, make sure you know how to fall out of love. You know why? Because it feels CRAP to be stuck somewhere you never wanted to be. And if you could fall out of love, that person left behind would struggle to get out from the hell hole he/she made just for you. *smiles*

But the best thing to do is SMILE. Nothing could be better than SMILES.

&& Chels.

Summer =)

Love Story - Better.

Two weeks ago, we were really bad. Things started to fall apart, but not all, most of them. Thank god, Letting go didn't popped in my mind that time, or else by now things would never be like this. Two weeks ago, he did not talk to me for 1 whole week, which made me feel bad and worried about him and us. I actually thought he was mad about something. And I did something stupid. I talked to my ex. Like just bugging him cause I needed to talk to someone and it happened, the person i want to talk to, My BF wasn't around for me.

Well, talking to my ex did not work. Not at all. It didn't even made anything better, cause in fact, recently, which was last night. He told me he knew i was talking to my ex. He got angry and all, we almost break up but when i explained to him what happened and why i was talking to him. He cooled down.

I felt really sad, cause whatever i did to comfort myself when he couldn't just make things worse for us. But again, thank god, he did not thought of letting me go. And now, we are just stronger than before. Now i realized, Arguing or Misunderstanding is all about trying to make something stronger so it would work. And yes, finally things are better. Back to normal and we love each other, MORE. I'm just really happy and thankful.

Finding what Unknown Is (Originally written by Joshua Goh)

Unknown has always been a mystery, but discoverable. I wake up on my couch. Oh lord the couch. The only sense of security I have left. I wouldn't leave the couch. I am stalwart to this piece of furniture. My unbridled loyalty to this one couch. Everything else is a blur to me. I got up. I get to the fridge. What is there to eat ? The box labelled "Life" is empty, so are the can of "Dreams" and my last packet of "purpose". Well atleast there is still some "Survival" left. Survival, little syringes of energy to carry on my journey to this unknown. Holes and holes from these needles on this pale skin of mine. I look out the window of my windmill. Grey and faint. Rain and Grim. The sky is open, clear of the castles and clouds that float above.

I put on my cleanest dark blue Thomas Reed and my gritty gas mask. My revolver, whom I have sworn to in the name of holy matrimony. I get out . Blank. What was I to conceptualise? To whom do I receive directions from? I carried myself out of my windmill. My sanctum.To seek the Unknown. I walk towards the trees. I see nothing but snow and wood. Towards the rise of the morning sun.

This Unknown annoys me. It teases my senses with misdirection and mystery.To neglect whatever needs my mind and body demands, all for this mystery. I venture till the forest had reached it`s end of dead trees and grey skies. The edge of a new cliff I stand on now. Only to anticipate adrenalinal action.

Tap tap tap. A finger on my shoulder. "Good Sir, have you any bullets?" she asked. Long flowing hair.Eyes of endless staring into mine, only to see the exact same thing. A missing piece of the beating mechanism. Yes dear, you can take my bullets. I have 6 but you take 5. Thank you sir. My apologies for doing so. There`s nothing to apologize about. Not about the bullets sir. For this punch that I will inflict.

She hit me.Straight on my face, and as of now, I do not stand on solid ground anymore, as I now am falling into the Emerald Waters.

My eyes stared only to hers, as I fell to these waters. She burns me. Like the Sun.

&& To be continued...

Slowly killer...

They ask me, "are you in a relationship?" I said I don't know. And they reply me, "Oh, well it looks like you're single."

Is it that obvious that he doesn't care much of me? And the angel that God sent to take care of me while my bf ain't around also don't care about me anymore. It's slowly killing me deep inside. Is there any way in existence that I could use to run away from it? I'm tired, honestly. I just wanna break away from everything.

Or, is there any pain killers for a broken heart that's aching? Or maybe a solution of Numbness in the heart so I won't feel a thing? I'd like to know. Because without both of them, it just hurts, every second of every minute of every hour or everyday! Is this a game? Can I give up? Can I press 'Quit' so it'd be game over? It's killing me softly which hurts more than usual.

Back to Back.

Let's say, you did not talk to me because I did something that you hate and it hurt you badly. Why would you now come up to me after 3 months and saying Hi?

Is it because you have moved on and just wanted to be friends? If it is, I'm cool with it. Because I already left those memories - bitter ones, way back to my past. I'm just happy my old friend came up to me and making friends again. Just so glad that you came back, I promise I'll make it up to you even if I have to do it for all my life.

Thank you!

&& Chels.,

A brand new day : quite fun?

Ha! It's my sister's birthday today, people are coming over. So it's an awesome excuse to run away from my horrible emotions that's killing me. Although my day started really badly, I'll try to keep everyone busy, especially me!

well, Reg (the #1) said "I'll send you a message if I am online." and yet, still haven't received any. What sucks, he didn't even sent me a good morning message, nor How are you message. Quite enthusiastic huh? It's mean! Isn't it? How would you feel when your boyfriend did not even sent you anything to let you know he is still alive. I hated it, so much, unforgivable. Oh, I'm ready to pick up a fight.

And guess what? #2, (Oliver), said, "My girlfriend found out that I like you." Woah! I'm scared now, that girl may come any minute and start shouting at me. But, I ain't scared, I'm doing nothing. It's her man who likes me. ( LoL) But somehow, I think I like him too. It's stupid to say, not being really bitchy to my Boyfriend, but I have reasons why.

Reasons:

- Oliver was there when Reg wasn't.

- Oliver talked to me when I needed someone and Reg is not there.

- Oliver cheered me up when Reg couldn't.

- Oliver set me as #1 while I was #2 for Reg.

- Oliver stopped what he loves doing for me while Reg chose Basketball over me for a DAY!

- Oliver did what Reg didn't.

I'm not comparing, it's a fact. I'm so sorry Reg, I love you too much to let you go, but it hurts too much to stay. But I'll stay, because I'm choosing you, because I chose you. Even you love basketball and your friends more than you love me. I've been really upset lately, but I'm trying to hide it to avoid fight, but you just know me so well. Which hurts for me, because you know when there's something wrong, you know what's going on to me, but I don't know a thing to you, I don't know what's going on to you. How do you expect me to smile when you don't let me in into your world?

Oliver and Me, Cam-night :)

completely different...

things started to be completely different. he usually spend his time on basketball and something else. And i'm left all alone in one side. I wonder, did he even noticed me waiting for decades, and ages for him. Even though he text me, i still fell sad and i don't know why. He noticed once, but he dint care. I don't know now what to do.

things are starting to be different again. A new person coming in? Pssh, what to do?

Happy?

So far today is different. Slept well last night, but damn late. Well the good news, he wasn't on my mind, neither of them. I don't know why. Although I'm happy, partly yes, party no. But maybe I missed either of them. I just don't know who. I don't know how to choose, and again I don't know why. But I can differentiate, the good and bad types. *Laughs*

- && Chelsi

I have asked for it...

I asked for a sign, he had given me. Indirectly but too obvious. It's been A day, A day. And I can't get it off my mind. I thought I could forget it by sleeping, but, amf! I slept and woke up having the same damn thing. What to do? I'm clueless.

So yeah, I asked for a sign, I guess he gave me one. I feel like I'm running away from who I am now. It's like, I'm trying to hide and make excuses just to go back to the old me. I don't get it, not at all. Even though I know I ran out of chance, why do I keep going on and expecting to even have one. Is there a reason why? If there is, what could it be? Would it be because he might give me another chance? Or maybe because he is ready to accept me again? Or, maybe because I'm stupid and God just made this up so I could wake up from the dream I'm still believing and dreaming of.

I don't know. But I'd like to know, because I'm curious. I just wanted to prove myself that I have something worth believing for. I just wanted to hear you say you love me too even for one last time. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you that I still care. That I'm still here waiting, that I will always be here. That I still love you, but everyday I see you, I just can't do it.

You're my strength when I'm weak. You're my voice when I can't speak. You're my eyes when I can't see. You're my friend when I need to be me. And I don't want you to be my tears when I want to cry because I should not have a reason to cry.

I love you. I never loved anyone like this before. I never cried this much for a guy. I never felt this way before. The love, the pain, the endurance, the sorrow, the emptiness. I don't know what to do. You left me with nothing. Nothing but fear to love again. Why can't you just come back, even for a day, just to pull me up once again?

What is the answer to the question WHY?

Why after reading that post, I had second thoughts. Why after reading that post, suddenly I wasn't sure anymore. Can someone tell me why. I'm confused even though I know I should not be. At that moment, things turned out to be different and unexpected. Honestly, I was affected. I actually thought, he meant ME. But people said, it can be anyone. But why do I feel this? Is it, by any chance, it could be me?

I wanna know so badly who it was meant for. And I don't know why. It's crazy and stupid, but it's how i felt it. The past started to take over my mind and I've been thinking about him and just him all night. It took me 2 hours to get myself to sleep. Why do I have to see it? Why now? Why can't it be tomorrow or some other day? I suddenly missed him and forgot what's going on. I suddenly realized that I still do. I din't wanna believe, I din't wanna accept it. But it's the fact and I can't do anything to change it. Is this what they called FATE? Is this MY fate? I hope not. I don't wanna go back to old life, because I was half dead letting go of it. It almost killed me, and who would want to go back to a miserable life? Well it turned out to be a miserable one, but I actually miss it. Although deep inside, my most memorable memories was built in my most fearless, miserable life. But I won't risk again just to have another good memories. But I'd definitely go back there if only that moment can give me perfect and good memories.

So I'm asking one last time, give me a sign God. Tell me or show me what I have to do to send my conscience to peace. I need to know, don't you think?

Angel Of mine.

I feel so good. I didn't know that there's someone out there who could love me better than the way he did. I'm just so happy that finally I've moved on and living a new life with my new guy. I'm thankful enough to have him, and i hope we'll grow longer and stronger. So far, he's been really sweet and caring and he really loves me. I just don't know what to say, every time he says "I love you". I'm speechless. I guess he is one in a million. He's different, way different from everyone.

Flowers For You

Chapter 1

"Daddy! Do you have training after school?" Alexandra shouted across the kitchen. Alexandra is the only daughter of Carl and Jane Klein. Her family and friends usually refer to her as Alex but she did not like that idea. "Yes we do sweetheart. Why?" Carl Klein answered heading to the kitchen while holding a newspaper. He is a tall football coach in Ohio McKinley High School, where Alex is attending.

Alexandra drew an upset expression in her face and laid the plate she was holding on the table. Carl gave her a confusion look and asked, "What?" He giggled and turned around walked headed to the living room. Alex switched off the kitchen lights and followed her father. "Christian and I were planning to watch movie, you really have to spoil it?" She claimed in a high pitch tone that made her father stood up. Christian is Alex's boyfriend since they were in 6Th Grade. He lives along the neighborhood, about eleven blocks away from Alex's place. "It's a close practice sweetheart, regional is coming up." Carl convinced her and touched her shoulder. She sat down and took out her phone. "What is all these accommodation about?" Jane Klein broke the silence. She switched off the TV and stood in front of Carl and Alex. Jane Klein is about 5'9 tall, a physics teacher in Stanford University. "Nothing honey, it's just that your Barbie wanted to spend time with Ken when we have training." Carl said and gave Alex a wide grinned and winked at her. Jane laughed and brushed her hand through Alex's blond hair. Alex looked at her with an annoyed expression. "At least let me stay there." She alternatively looked at her parents. Jane stared at Carl, trying to convince him. Finally he sighed and said, "Alright. I guess I have no other choice nor option." Carl switched on the TV and turned his head to Jane as she said, "Shower now, both of you! Alex's class is in an hour and you both take 20 minutes to get ready." She said while walking away headed to their room.

Carl grabbed his keys and jumped into his fancy BMW car. Then Alex followed and sat at the front sit. It is a 10 minutes drive from their house to school. When they arrived Alex looked at her dad waited for him to say something. "Alright, alright. I'll see you after school." Carl said and a smile appeared to Alexandra's fair face.

Alex left her home room class 10 minutes early before the bell rings. She headed straight to the canteen where she can most probably find the team and Chris, and she did found them there sitting at one long table making a lot of noise. Alex stood still and looked around looking for Chris. Before she spotted him, he saw her. "Stop! My princess is here." He said pointing at her while he stood on a chair. The team cheered and clapped, Alex walked closer. They were acting like they were in a role play, saying their own lines and acting like complete "idiots". Chris reached for her hand and knelled down. He placed a kiss on her hand, Alex blushed and said, "Oh stand up, you look weird." Chris' friends all laughed and he hugged her. They all started cheering and teasing. Chris suddenly stood up on the table and announced to everyone, "I Love Alex Klein!" Everybody clapped. Christian is the quarterback and the star player of the team. Many girls run after him so Alex thought that she was lucky enough to be chosen for him.

Chapter 2

Regional Game ended and Christian spent his night at Alex's place with his mother, Mary Johnson. She is a single parent, she brought up Christian by herself. Her husband Clark Johnson died when Chris was 8 years old. He died in a car crash because of drunken driving. Jane Klein asked Mary about Clark, but she refused to answer and let Chris speak out.

After dinner, Alex and Chris went out to the backyard. Alex sat at the swing and Chris pushed it slightly back and forth. "I'm glad it's over now." Alex said and looked up at Chris and smiled. Chris sat at the other swing beside her and asked, "What's over?" He pretended to be innocent, knowing nothing. Alex pinched his cheeks and answered, "Football season. So can we watch movie now?" She giggled and held his hand. Christian laughed and answered yes. Minutes passed and Alex brushed her hand to his hair down to his chest. "You're sweating?" She was curious and felt a punched in her heart. "What? It's hot." Chris claimed. Alex stood up and said, "It's hot?! I'm freezing out here." She said at a pitch tone and stared at him. Chris was thankful Alex said that, just to run away from her questions, denying won't convince her. "Freezing huh? You didn't tell me all this while." He grabbed her hand and pulled her in. Alex blushed and forgotten about the topic so it flew out of her mind.

"Are you gonna come tomorrow? Physics class?" Alex asked Chris before he stepped out of her house. She smiled at him and he smiled back saying, "Of course, It's your mom teaching, I'm a fan." He giggled and Jane Klein smiled. Carl Klein send them back home. Chris was also like a true son for Carl, so he treats them as a family.

Christian arrived at Alex's house by nine in the morning, which was the time Alex's parents went to groceries. Right before they start studying, Alex noticed him sweating just like how he was last night. "Did you run?" She asked indirectly and more of a joke. Alex slid her hand through him. Before he answers her question, Alex then added, "This sweating of yours is getting really freaky, you should check the doctor." Christian got annoyed, well, he was trying to avoid answering her questions. So he tried to push he off. "You're not my mom so don't tell me what to do." Chris walked away and left the house. Before Alex say another word, she only heard the door closed behind her.

"What happened? Where is Chris going?" Alex's mom asked her. But before she answered, her dad, Carl said. "Love quarrel honey, we used to have that everyday." A smile appeared to Alex's face.

Chapter 3

Chris came back in an hour with a tulip flower in hand. That time, Alex was just about to go out for a walk. "What made you come back?" She asked and trying to be humble. Chris looked at her and smiled to apologize. "Oh don't give me that smile!" Alex wanted to smile and blush, but instead, she turned and stumped her feet walking away biting her lips. She was just waiting for him to apologize with his soft voice and gentle looks, and she got it. "I'm sorry. I was carried away by stress." He tried to reach out for Alex's hands and pulled her closer to him. He brushed his hand to her soft rosy cheeks and whispered I love you. "I guess you're forgiven. You're just so lucky that you get everything in a snap." Alex moved back pulling him to the living room. She grabbed the flowers and soaked in a vase of water. Chris smiled and everything started to be cool between both of them.

A few hours later, Alex thought it was a perfect time to re-open the topic they were discussing just now. "So, why didn't you want to see the doctor?" She tried her best to convinced Chris that he could open anything to her. So far, she succeeded. "Alex, it's not that I did not want to see the doctor, it's because I'm afraid to know what causes this excessive sweating." He looked down and placed both of his hands on the table covering Alex's hands. Alex gave him a blur look and asked, "Excessive sweating? Meaning?" Chris took a deep breath and looked at her. "Even in a cold winter night, I sweat. Which I call night sweats. In the morning, I will always wake up wet as well as my bed sheets. I change them regularly so mom won't notice it." Then he looked way. Alex took out her hand and covered Chris' cold hands. "Let's go see the doctor, I'll be with you I promise." Alex stood up and said she will just take something from the kitchen but truthfully, she went away and shed a tear. That moment, Alex knew things won't be alright and the same. She took a deep breath and walked back to Chris.

Alex found Chris standing, looking outside the window. She spotted a sweating region of his shirt at the back and she started to get more worried. Alex ran to him and hugged him from the back and said, "I love you Chris." Chris held her hand and turned around to hug her back and replied those words that only makes Alex strong.

givin` up

should i give up?

it feels like i have nothing left...

love life..,

brain to study..,

something fun to do..,

friends to be with..,

they are all gone..

i just wanna cry it out but...

it won't change a thing.

=(

pano ko ipapaalam sa sarili ko na talo na ako. na sa sarili kong test ako ang bumagsak. na sa pinaka-importanteng tao sa buhay ko ako ay nasira. pano mo ako mapapatawad kung ang sarili ko nga hindi ko pa magawa. ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit wala syang itinira. dahil hindi naman yoon ang hiningi ko. gusto ko man tanggapin na wala ka na, may pumipigil sakin at pilit na sinasabi na wag na wag akong susuko. dahil may dahilan kung bakit ka dumating, kung bakit ka umalis at kung bakit ako patuloy na umaasa kahit alam kong wala na akong pag-asa. hindi ko alam kung tatagal ba ako sa pagsubok na ito. kilala mo ako, mabilis akong sumuko, pero pano ako susuko kung ikaw ang nagpapadama sakin na kailangan kong kumapit. iniwan ko sayo ang puso ko, at sinabing hanggang nasa iyo yan, patuloy kitang mamahalin. ngayong wala kana, pakiramdam ko, wala akong puso dahil hindi ko magawang magmahal ng iba. kahapon lang, naalala ko, inihabilin ko nga pala sa iyo. bakit hanggang ngayon, wala pa ang puso ko? hawak mo pa ba? ayaw mo pa ba ibalik? kung ganun, wag mo na talaga ibalik, sayo na yan!

=(

all of them are gone.

they are all gone. why?

i made a big stupid mistake.

maybe it's best to not choose,

maybe it's best to forget all of them.

just maybe.

now i don't know what to do.

now that no one is left for me.

and nothing is right to me.

6 consequences.

how would you feel to have six (6) guys after you? and all of them are cute?

well, i'm currently under that situation. i really have no idea how to go through this thing. i was surprised, and i can't believe this is happening. is this a badluck? they said it was a six consequences. a challenge that i have to go through. to see if i can choose the right one. and choose THE ONLY ONE. pssh, i really don't know who, and i have no idea how to find out who. it's annoying at times, but they are really friendly and fun to talk with. i've been observing, but most of them are doing the same thing - which is a GOOD thing. so i see advantages and not disadvantages. how to choose????

First Week of Jan, 2011

January 1st, spent and celebrated new year in my country, Philippines, with families and friends. Had a great holiday with them. Got drunk as well. =)

January 2nd, flew back to KL. Got homesick and got a really bad cough.

January 3rd, cough got worse and followed by a flu. Did not go to school because I was so lazy to get up early.

January 4th, came to school with really bad cough and flu. And went home straight after classes and then go to facebook.

January 5th, which is TODAY! Cough and flu ended up to a really bad headache and high fever. But still went to school. But I just slept the whole free time.

I wonder what's gonna happen tomorrow, January 6th. =)