That PART

There will always be that special part that would and could change my mind completely.

I cannot handle this pain anymore. I cannot sleep with it for another 3 days. I cannot live with it any longer. Can someone encourage me and give me the power to let go? Because every time I settle my mind to break up. A few minutes later my mind will change and I don't know how it alter direction. It feels like a part of me keeps telling me 'to hold on for a while, just for a while, don't let go, not now.' Hold on for what? What am I waiting for? An answer? Would it be a benefit for me? Would the answer make me happy? Every time I ask these questions, it seemed like my heart responds and says 'That's why hold on and find out by yourself.' But what if he choose her? Then I ended up waiting for nothing.

I just don't understand why I keep holding on. I know I've waited all my life for this feeling to come. And it finally arrived. Why would I let it go right? Sometimes I also think and ask myself, why am I giving up if it's all that I ever wanted? Why am letting go if I already spent half of my life waiting for it? I don't understand myself. There are conflicts between, me my heart and my mind itself. I feel crazy. Too much pain is already kept in me. And I don't why and how my heart manages to keep going on even if it knows that this love is already bleeding out to nothing. I wonder why my heart is so stubborn and why not just let go.

He is just so different from others. There is something in him that keeps me loving him more and more each day. I feel so stupid to love him so much. But its love. I never listened, I never do anything, I just stayed quiet and do my own thing. So there's no one to blame but myself. But I am happy with him. Except right now, cause I am in a situation. A situation like another competition has rose. But the hardest part is, I don't even know who my competition is. And I am worried I might lose cause it seemed harder than before. Maybe it's like a challenge to me whether I can hold on and stay and fight. Cause I am very well known as a coward and very kind to let go easy of someone for other people. If this is a challenge my lord, I am not giving up on him until he say so or until he give me a reason to.

- Encouraged.

The worse thing that could Happen

1. Getting Hurt

When we fall in love we get hurt, it will heal but there will always be a scar. There will always be a mark there to stay and to remind you how much you loved that person and to remind you how much pain you've gone through with him/her.

Physical pain has it's valid, positive point. It is a continual feedback to tell us what to do and what not to do. It limit us from doing things and reminds us what we should not try. Once we get hurt, a part of us will always know how much it hurt, how much pain we felt that would alarm our system and let us know.

If we are going through an emotional pain, it is a message that we need to change our approach or see things differently. If we feel hurt or dumped by someone, the message would be, "Love those in your life without expectations. Accept them as they are and take what they want to give without judgement." Alternatively, it means, "Do not let the actions of others destroy your self-esteem". Pain causes us to change direction. It prompts us to see things differently. If we keep doing something stupid, we keep getting hurt.

2. Ended up waiting for nothing

We should all know that waiting is really a stupid thing to do in the world. Have you ever noticed that when you are sitting down waiting for a taxi and it never seemed to arrive? The longer you wait the longer it takes time to come - "A watched pot will never boil."

As a general example, a person waiting for a phone call from a friend and it seemed to be that person is having some trouble contacting you. After waiting for what seemed like hours, you decided to do something else and then by that minute the phone call will come through.

So if you will sit and wait, stand up and do something else. Because it will take a long time to arrive, sometimes it never comes. So get busy with something else for a while. Get on and live your life, don't really have to bother about what you're waiting for. Cause if you learn how to let go of the situation, it will accelerate the results.

So stop waiting if you don't want it to turn into nothing.

HeLp me pray to our Lord to grant my wish

I cannot imagine a life without you. Because with you I found what love really is. It is something we cannot control, a feeling we can never hide. With you I felt a certain happiness. Happiness that no one can ever give me. With you I smile endlessly even though at times you may be the reason for my tears. I have one question, Could it be possibly be you and me until the end?

Dear Daniel,

I love you so much. And you know that right? I hope you would stop by here and read my blog again like how you used to do. I know we're going through the most complicated part of our relationship. But I want you to know that I`m just trying to do the best I can to keep this thing on going. But I know I will not be able to do anything by the time you make your decisions. And I am only left with an option of letting go. Without you is a whole lot crazier than with you. But the crazy moments with you are the ones I would treasure forever if ever you decided to move on and live our life on our own separate ways.

I want to let you know, that I don't want to lose you. And to live without you is the last thing I would ever wish. A life without you is like hell. I know I sound so stupid to talk like this, like saying goodbyes and all crap. I just want to be ready of what you're answer would be. I am just preparing in case I'd get hurt. I am still waiting for your answer. What ever your answer is, I would support and accept. Well I hope I meant that word "accept".

So if you would still go I will understand. And if you choose to stay I will hold your hand and never let go. I just hope you would stay.

I miss you. I miss the times we had together. I miss those days you bully me like your sister, you hang out with me like your brother, you care for me like your mother and respect me like your father and annoy me like your best friend. I miss you Daniel, I miss you a lot. Please stay.

I know we cannot always get what we want and/or need. But what if I say I really need it badly? Will it be given to me? Why does it happen to some people and why not to me too? I am only asking for one thing. One thing but it's all that I would ever want. I need him and I want him, so please help me lord to fight this loneliness and take this pain away. Cause I am truly madly crazily in love with him.

Just in case...

What would happen to me just in case the rumors are true?

What would happen to me just in case you chose her instead of me?

What would happen to me if you break up with me tonight?

Or tomorrow? Or next day? Or the following days?

Or next week? Or next month?

Daniel, I love you. Please encourage me to hold on to you. Please give me a reason to stay. Please show me it's just me, ONLY me. I trust you, but I need to know the truth from you. Nothing but the truth. I know you already told me, but through phone is not enough. An answer is not enough. Show me that it is not true. Please. I'm begging you.

I Hate Hackers

Today. I couldn't access my facebook account.

I sat down and tried to retrieve it.

But I couldn't. They said my account is disabled.

And Spammed.

They kept sending me security checks.

I meant, What the heck. Also secured from the owner itself.

I followed their simple stinky rules and still cannot go through.

Damn lost my mood about facebook.

I`m inviting all the nerds and genius people

to create a new social network!