:)

I don't know what to write, really.

I'm so speechless, because i'm so in love.

I think I love him already.

Like so much.

Gosh, I'll update you once

I gather everything I had to say to you.

Which is best?

A relationship that grew out from friendship to lovers. And a relationship that started from love at first sight. Which is best? I really don't know. I'm still confused. No one understands what I'm going through, it must be a plan that lead me to you.

A relationship that grew out from friendship to lovers may be the best, but a broken love relationship will never grow back to friendship. Love at first sight? I do believe on those things. Because it just happened to me, I'm not regretting it, but it made my life a lot harder.

However, I really fell in love with you from the day i met you. Unfortunately, there were six choices, and I had to choose only one. I'm trying all the best I can to see who should be the one.

new day, new love

hm

love at first sight? do you believe in it? because i do. and i have. December 8Th, when i saw him, he got my attention, gosh, i was psych that time. i can't get my eyes off of him, he is irresistible.

since then, i had a crush on him. slight not too much. but it grew more than last night, December 12Th. he confessed to his friends that he liked me, well had a crush on me. and they told me. i was happy but, i got a little problem, he is not the only one.

and that means, someone has to get hurt. and i don't want anyone to get hurt. I am confused, totally. I don't know what to do. all i know, i like both of them, but it's just a crush.

today?

Dear Diary,

Wow, it's getting harder each day. I guess vacation is all about enjoying and forgetting what you have for a while. He is not coming online *sad*. I heaven't heard a word from him since he left, I'm missing him so badly, and I'm afraid I might get crazy *laughs* but I meant it, *laughs faded*.

It hurts also. I did not know, it hurts when you're missing someone you love the most. I wonder whether he misses me too. I'm being paranoid again, somehow. But at least I know and I am sure he doesn't know how to lie, so no matter what, I still had to believe him. If he says he loves me, then I believe him. But, how come he isn't here? This is hard. So hard. *sad*

I wonder how is it going to be when we meet. Will he talk to me like how he does when we are alone? Honestly, he doesn't talk to me when our friends are around, but we hardly get a chance to be alone just to talk. *sad*

I miss his hug, and kiss, and touch. I feel so sad and empty now. I felt like I lost someone and I will never get him back. Why? Why negative stuffs are coming inside my mind?! "He is just enjoying the time with his cousins!" Well, that is for sure, because that is what I am going to do. But I won't forget to talk to him.

*sigh* help me! I wish he'd come online today!

I Love You!

"I wish i have 2 more hours to be with you... but it ended up only seeing you after 2 weeks from now..."

"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time... Chocolates had became my best friend lately, been eating different kinds and brands, but, still you're the sweetest of all... wee` missing you~ i want a bite :P heheh` LoLx`"

I never knew I would miss you so badly. I did not expect for this sadness to come and visit me. I guess "google" was right. I won't have much of luck this December. *sad* But however, I am still lucky to still have you.

I loved you now and then. :) Until the day I die, and you know that. *sigh* I miss your hug, your smile, the way you like and when you say my name. You're irresistible. You're Lovable. You're humble. You're cute. And that's why I love you this much ~> 1 000 000 000x more than anyone could love you. *smiles*

For You:

If I could make your heart beat faster

You could take my breath away

All things in life I had

I am blessed of seeing you everyday

You held my hand when I needed a friend

You gave me life and pulled bad things aside

If letting you seemed to be easy before

Now I feel like being with you is all I'd ask for more

You catch me when I fall

And called me when I hear no one at all

Your heart beat is my breath

The moment you stop loving me, I'd rather face death

With you alone I stood with strength

Nothing to hide just a bit of confidence

Loving means so much to me

A future with you is all I wanted to see...

Stop violence against children.

Until Monday, December 6th, there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is a campaign to stop violence against children.

Everyone was asked to change their facebook profile picture to a cartoon character from their childhood. So why not you try to change as well?

p,s. This post is also about love what? :) hehehe~

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

Kasalanan Ko Ba - Neocolours

Happiness is not the answer.

Never ask for happiness to come. Because once it comes, it will never stay. I once asked for it, it came, however it left after (six) 6 days. I was so depressed, so I asked once more, it did came, but last for only (two) 2 days and left with no goodbyes. If I would asked for one last, it may last for only 12 seconds, so I decided to stay sad.

So never ever ask for it to come, I am afraid it might hurt you so badly when the day comes that it has to leave you behind. Like me, I am suffering because it left a hole in my heart and a bitter memory to my life. Don't worry, happiness will come to you, by itself, without calling them. They will come around one day, one day when everything for you has to turn upside down and when you had to be happy, it will come.

So it's better off to stay sad for now. Don't force to be happy if you can't. Because it's also like asking for it to come along now that you are depressed. And when you're sad, What would you want? Happiness right? It'll come and you'll be happy, but when you're happy, who wants to be sad? NOBODY. So stay sad for a good reason, being sad doesn't mean everything is wrong, everything is your fault, being sad is part of a life, it is part of continuing what you've stopped when you were happy, being sad is the best time to realized what you've lost, what you've taken for granted and what you've missed.

Sad is not crying your eyes out, staring into space because you're depressed. Sad's truly means, to see how beautiful life is when you were happy.

What are they actually?

There was a lonely boy named Sad, he is also known as Sorrow. He always feels alone and jealous of his sister Happy, also known as Joy. Happy hates her brother so much, however, Sad tries to love his sister but it felt really hard. One day, They met this girl named Chelsi. She became Happy's friend, or better off called BEST FRIEND. Chelsi was so happy and very thankful. But, when she found out that Sad likes her, Happy left Chelsi and never came back, so Sad stayed with Chelsi and both waited for Happy to come back. As they both thought, Happy was never meant for Chelsi to keep forever and Sad was destined to stay and grew old with Chelsi.

p,s. hope you understood what i am trying to say...

14 lines, #2

hours had passed, i've waited for fame

the love gazed in me with no expression

heart was hurt and till now it's the same

cruel if i'd look and rude if i'd talk

the seasons change as time moves

i wanted love and devotion

and expecting you to be there

when i had no feelings to show emotion

your eyes looked at me very sweet

you touched my lips and i trembled

that is where our hearts meet

and when it started trouble

and when i looked straight to your eye

i see nothing but your fresh lies.

14 lines, #1

of all things in life i could see

our life that holds the answer appeared

love was buried deep down in me

in every mystery that i have found

if there is one star that i could be

i'd be shining through the night sky

and i'd grant your wish to be free

for our hearts are ready to spare their parts

see it, feel it, or ignore it

you will have no choice but explain

no excuse to run away from this

because my heart is ready to die in vain

and if there is someone i am left to see

i'd open my eyes and let it be.

Honesty lies in everything you do

when i said i love you

i meant it and i expect you to believe it

i've been waiting for you to say it too

but i don't know whether you would

i'm missing you a lot

even though you are here

and when i talk to you

have you been listening?

i can't read what is in your mind

but i can feel what's in your heart

but how should i know whether your heart is honest?

because your mind show no honesty.

maybe it's wrong

maybe it's not

or just maybe your fault

if you want me to be honest

go ahead, you first.

pssh.

Dear blog,

As the days passed, I actually believed we will grew stronger together. But then, I feel like it's becoming weaker and weaker each day. He plays more than talk to me and he still talk stuffs to his ex. Should I get jealous? I'm losing the trust I gathered up for him, but then he is tearing me down. He is actually showing nothing that he really likes me. Have I gone mad? Or am I just being paranoid? I've been thinking lately. Thinking whether I made the right choice. I had no idea, where to get an advice. Friends? They don't even exist in this situation.

What to do? I got no one to talk to about this. If there is anyone who could help, Oh God, please come and help me, I could really use a word with you? Do I still believe in loving him? I feel so sad, alone, confused. I am thinking twice, no doubt. I wanted to talk to him about this, but the thing is, I feel like, I have been complaining a lot since we got together. He might get angry and it might cause a break up which is much worse. Should I let it be like this because that is just him? or should I try to overcome it and make a move about it? I am scared and I don't know what to do!

*sigh* I wonder whether he is telling the truth whenever I ask him questions. I don't know now! I'm being paranoid!

number 2

i cry to drop myself

but tears is nothing compared to problems

my heart bleed by itself

got no one to blame, not even 'them'

pain was buried deep down in me

no solution nor clue that i could see

tearing me down broken to parts

doesn't feel anything not through the heart

the life i extended

for love to be deceived

and yet it's not enough

to enjoy that i have received

treated differently, seen unexpectedly

to love is to hurt and it's compulsory

expect nothing but sorrow

there's nothing you could do but to follow

do i need love to live?

or a heart to breathe?

maybe people do as i thought

but those things, i don't.

number 1

take my hand don't let go

for my heart to be only yours

before i kissed the rain

you took away the pain

you embraced my heart

like no one else can

you saw me when i was invisible

and make things possible

though every time i see you

i feel free to love you

day by day i ask myself for no clue

to get over the sorrow that i go through

till the day that i had to let you go

i need to still be true to myself

and when i needed to i would do

i hide in pain and been trying to explain

giving up cause` my heart is ready to die in vain.

just a lil emotion...

i once had a life but it faded away

you left me crying each passing day

i would say i still love you

and if it's so, i hope you would too.

i just wish you could understand me

like how we used to be

you just left with no goodbyes

and i lived in the world of lies

i wonder if the word 'honesty' exist for you

or at least keeps any promises to me

because everything seemed untrue

and showed me nothing but cruelty

i thought with you would be like heaven

but it felt like i was trapped underground

the real you was completely hidden

what who you are was never found

it was nice to hear you lying

when i knew the truth

how pitiful to see you begging

and doing the only thing you could

you can't fool someone with brain

'cause we have something to gain

while a person like you lose a lot

now show us what you got!

i tried to forget you

but i just can't because

a person like you is hard to pursue

and a piece of you in my heart withdraws

i can't believe i am saying this

but with you i feel bliss

no matter how much i could hate you

i just can't deny that i still do

i wanna take you back

but it'll be worthless

'cause it's full of crap

without you, no happiness

i don't care if you love her

i will hurt you never

cause i loved you from the start

and a piece of you will always be in heart...

...

sometimes,

i feel like you don't love me anymore,

or sometimes, i feel like you're taking one step back from me

are you trying to run away from me?

you better tell me,,

because there's also other people who wanted to have a chance

i'd rather give them one

if you can't show me you deserve it...

sometimes, i just wanna give up.

but i want to let you know, that it ain't that easy ok?

was it easy for you? what you think?

SMILE =)

sometimes people will automatically know what you're feeling. it reflects to what you are doing, to your actions and sometimes to what you say. a happy person feels love, joy, pain and sorrow. because it's life. there are ups and downs, it turns and goes back. what you had today, will never be yours tomorrow. time flies to fast, so make every second the best out of it cause you won't get it back.

a person feels good when you did something right to your surroundings. keep your mind working positively and you'll see what i mean. like me, i'm suppose to be feeling so empty and emotional because my bf doesn't reply. i just kept in my mind that maybe he is asleep. and i started listening to love songs. after that, it inspired me to write this.

i'm technically sharing my feelings now. i don't understand. i feel so loved even though he ain't even talking to me. i feel so happy i don't even have a reason. maybe it's just life that makes me go on. we all have a choice to live. if you want to live fighting for something you wouldn't have and ain't worth anything at all, STOP cause in the end you gain nothing, time wasted. if you choose to live your life in peace and joy, you'll get every little thing happily and no regrets at least your time ain't wasted.

sometimes, when i have no one to talk to about my life, i tell my bears cause my sister is useless enough to know everything about my life. *laughs* but i love her. she shares everything to me, i feel happy cause somehow, I've become someone i didn't plan to be. she loved me because she chose to be happy. and i'm happy because i chose to be loved.

you don't chase people to love you, they will naturally come to you because they want to be happy. because LOVE is all about HAPPINESS. make the right choice and i swear you'll end up a happy person. like me. after writing my name everywhere, i always end up writing a smiley face in the end. why? because i want people to remember me with a smile. cause i'm a happy person.

think positive, don't let anyone control your life and do as they say. well sometimes you had to do what they said ONLY if you're the one whose going to gain something worth a thing. being a human is enjoying the life given to you. keeping your dignity strong. don't let anger or pain eat you alive cause i, myself is telling you, in the end you're the one whose going to regret letting that little thing destroy yourself.

so, if you are sad and feeling empty, keep that feeling inside your body, and show some smile to others. cause if you showed people what you're truly feeling, they'll know how weak you are and once they found out. they can easily break you down. try to smile even if you can't. smile feels good. i smile a lot. so don't worry no one will think you are crazy. you smile to people, you make every single second of their life happy. i can prove to you. you smile at the worst person in the world, you made their life delighted and you'll get a smile back.

they might think you're crazy for smiling and got no reason to, but trust me they'll end up laughing at you. you may take it like they are making fun of you, NO, they are laughing because someone like you could smile and make them laugh. sometimes, they smile at you too, and it feels good. try it sometimes!

you can smile to the person you hate the most or to the person who hates you. they may think you're insulting them. but who cares, you did not lose anything because they think wrongly. they also did not gain anything. well, they are negative thinkers. so smile for a good reason, don't use it in a bad way. only angels can smile to a devil and only a devil can laugh at an angel for no reason. keep that in mind!

tell me why...

wherever i see my ex boyfriend around, i make this stupid expression like "AH! why is he here?!" or "do i really have to see him here?". whoever says his name i make this funny expression like "oh! he's around?!" or "HIM?!!!". some people ask me. "dude? why do you care?" or sometimes, "you're not over him yet are you?". whatever reason i give them, they just don't believe me nor accept my answer. i meant, they kept asking and when i answer they never believed. what's the point of asking right? but all i know, i'm telling the truth - i don't like him anymore, or i'm so over him. but i also know that i do give those expressions. ALL the time i see or here his name. why? it's normal for someone who got dumped right? and you find it hard to move on and forget the person who actually broke you're heart? i'm sure i don't like him anymore, i see him but just a friend. i know same goes for him. but why do i feel this? i feel so nervous whenever i see him, i feel like so unprepared whenever i'm gonna talk to him? can anyone please tell me why??!!

answer all my questions,,message me on facebook ~> http://www.facebook.com/chelsii.dianne

thx =)

everything happens for a reason.

i believe that every single action happens for a reason. if it's meant to happen, then it is we can't do anything about it. and if it's not, then don't force it. sometimes i sit and wonder, whether he does the things i do. at any angle and corner of my mind, i don't think he does whatever i'm doing all the time. but i know, whatever he's doing is none of my business, but come on, why do i have to sit and make it harder for myself to think and think if it ain't my business. well now i found out why, because it happened for a reason. and i think the reason is i miss you too much. i couldn't just sit and say i miss you. i could think about it and imagine.

sometimes, i'm being paranoid, getting jealous for no reason and hating this girl on your facebook wall. why? because there's a reason for me to feel that, and it's because i love you too much and i'm becoming greedy and selfish. it's not that i have bad intentions but it's way too much right?

every time i ain't doing anything, something will just pop inside my mind. and i ask myself, "does he still love me?" or "what if he doesn't like me anymore?" or "what if his feelings for me is slowly fading away?" why on earth do i have to ask myself those stupid questions? because it happened for a reason. maybe there are answers out there but we don't see it. and they are making us wonder a lot and make us find it. but why? because they wanna send a message to us? but what could it be?

first ever question to ourselves. "which one should i follow and believe, and which one should i ignore and forget, the mind or the heart?"

majority's answers: the heart. "why?" because if you follow your heart, your mind couldn't do anything but follow as well. so if you wanna choose without deciding, follow the heart it'll send you to the right path if you BELIEVE.

minority's answers: THE MIND. "why?" because if you choose your mind, before it goes off it thinks and make sure you did the right thing. mind can think and CANNOT get hurt, for short it won't get hurt or YOU won't get hurt if you follow your mind. whereas, if you follow your heart, it doesn't do all the thinkings, and it'll just make you do it. and when you follow your heart, you'll probably get hurt because you did not think about it, your heart doesn't have a mind to think right? and since you follow the heart you won't listen to the mind's advices. *summary of this* follow the MIND that thinks and you won't get hurt and ignore the HEART that makes you feel the pain and regret in the end.

because NOT ALL things end happily and successfully. WHY? because IT HAPPENS FOR A REASON~!!!

My Everything.

Christian Ramos Galit =) (Cj)

how did i meet you?

august 5th; my brother's birthday celebration. he came, at first, he was my sister's crush and i like someone else - ranz. i was blind that time, i never noticed him looking at me nor asking stuffs about me. i would say i was stupid to ignore that special person that would change everything in my life. now everything seems so clear, he is really special. the next day, 6th of august, he added me on facebook and we started talking to each other and getting know each other. after 1 week, my sister started getting jealous, so i had to stop talking to him. then, i just randomly asked myself "why do i miss talking to him? am i in love with him or just a crush?" i was so curious, but i ignored that. after a few weeks. my sister met this another guy named rofel, and then she told me about him, the first thing that went inside my mind was "so that means, i can date christian (cj) now?" i was so confused in the outside but in the inside my heart was jumping in happiness. something made me came online, luckily, he wasn't online that time when i went on. but then, after a few minutes he appeared on my chat list. myself told me, "there you go, talk!". so i said hi, the first thing he said was, "can i have your number? i have to go soon, i wanna talk to you still." i was shock and deep inside i feel so happy. so i gave it to him. and we started smsing. from that day, it feels like i don't or i wouldn't care about facebook anymore, cause i can connect to him through phone. from the first day, i knew he liked me but he doesn't show any signs so i dropped the feeling i kept for him. sadly, he told me asked someone out but he got rejected, i was really upset but then, i tried to ignore. however, we talk a lot, like most of the time. he updates me every second. he wishes me good morning, good afternoon and good evening 24/7. i told myself, "doesn't matter whether he likes me or not, i don't care, i LIKE him!". then one day, something made me tell him the truth, i admitted to him i like him. i did not know i said it, but i know my heart wanted me to say it. his reaction was not relevant, unaccepted but he reacted quite fast. he said, "really???" but then, a lot of things changed. 2 weeks we did not sms nor talk, and i never heard anything about him. but around 20th august, he started smsing me again, he said he asked someone out and he is just waiting fro her to say yes and he told me, "hey we'll meet again on 22nd, your parents will throw a party." i was upset still cause he left and just pop back in. but i forgived him, then by 22nd. i was so excited to see him i just don't understand why. it was like "the world is going to end if i don't see him!" then he finally came. i was so happy, i tried to show off but it failed. night time, we were singing, my cousins and my sister told me he was looking at me. of course, i will believe them so i did. and then he sang as well. a song called AKO'Y SAYO which means "I AM YOURS". i was in love and that made me did something. something really stupid but sweet. i made a slideshow of our photos. CORRECT, i took his photos from facebook. *smiles* then we kept smsing again, back to normal. but then around 31st of august, i have to leave the country. i felt really sad, he did not sms me at that day, maybe he felt sad cause i am leaving but it is stupid to say he'll miss me cause he told me himself he is asking out someone else. but then, around 3rd september, his status on facebook changed, he is suddenly in a relationship. i commented and i wished him goodluck and congratulations, i even told him that my wish came true. i was so sad and i even cried because of it. but around 4th september, 11.30pm, he smsed me, and he asked me to read his reply on the comment i posted, but i said just say it cause i can't come online. he just won't tell me. but i forced him, and he did. and he said "We're together" at first i did not get what he meant by We're. and i asked him to repeat it twice with explanations. he said, he really like me, he just said he was asking out someone so i won't hold on tight to him cause he wasn't sure about asking me out. so he said that. but then he was sure right after i left. i was so shock, all this time my instincts were right. he really liked me. then september 5th, 12.05 am, we became together, quite fast but what wait for? it's already there.

now, recently, 15th september, 10.55 pm, im writing this because i have met the very special person in my life and i will never want to let him go. he changed me into something i could and i would be. he completed every single thing about me. he accepts me for who i am. he forget things that are meant to be forgotten just to remember every piece of me. he loves me and i love him too. why? because 10 days ago, he became my everything.

its fun...

It's his hair and his eyes today
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that I'm falling further in love
Makes me shiver but in a good way
All the times I have sat and stared
As he thoughtfully thumbs through his hair
And he purses his lips, bats his eyes and he plays,
With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

'Cause I love him with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Cause he's all that I see and he's all that I need
And I'm out of my league once again

It's a masterful melody when he calls out my name to me
As the world spins around him, he laughs,
Rolls his eyes and I feel like I'm falling
But it's no surprise

'Cause I love him with all that I am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
'Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
But I'd rather be here than on land
Yes he's all that I see and he's all that I need
And I'm out of my league once again.

Its his hair and his eyes today
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that im falling further in love makes me shiver, but in a good way
All the times I have sat and stared
As he thoughtfully thumbs through his hair
As he purses his lips, bats his eyes
And he plays with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

'Cause I love him with all that I am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
'Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
But I'd rather be here than on land
Yes he's all that I see and he's all that I need
And im out of my league once again

weh~?

what's happening now??

listening to need you now =)

on facebook, playing nightclub city

inner self thinking about him

outer is pretending i am not...

what is today's topic?

emm~ ...

i don't lie, i know and my friends know i wouldn't recover from this pain, because we all know what im going through. and im sure you all know it would hard to cross the finish line of this race, the race between, *adrenaline rush because of this hidden feeling for him against *confusions in my mind whose trying to pretend nothing is going on.

me, my body, don't even know whose side to take, the mind or the heart? it's him who took over me, who took over control of my body, who took over my mind's and heart's decision. i wanna know why you have to do that? i thought you don't have to do such thing when you love someone. you can only own but not control. god~

(listening to a little too not over you)

this pain living within me, cannot be cure, nor prevent. it is just the so called illness without a cure. it will stay deep down there to slowly kill me, pieces to pieces, step by step, one after another. no one can stop it. it ain't going to float to live, it's gonna shrink to kill. oh god guide me to the right path! am i doing the right thing? am i making the right decisions? am i going to my destined path? have i done something wrong because i just feel there is something wrong. =(

oh~ *sigh*

what i wanted to tell you~

You broke me, you broke my heart,
you broke everything!
You turned my world upside down and inside out,
BUT I know it was worth it for
that one moment of love we had,
it's a shame it went bad..

You walk by me everyday and say hello.
Everyday you take time out to listen to me.
You talk to me, smile at me,
laugh with me, and have fun with me.
Well, I talk, smile and laugh too,
but inside I'm hurting.
Deep down it hurts to be with you because
I love you and you are only a friend.

One day you'll ask me,
"which is more important to you, me or your life"
I'll say, "My life" and you'll go and
leave me with out knowing that you are my life...

it takes a long time for you to say hello to me,

but just a couple of seconds for you to say goodbye.

I dont miss you,
I miss who I thought you were.

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,
I’m going to laugh,
so you don’t see me cry,
I’m going to let you go in style,
and even if it kills me
I’m going to smile...

i believed that "The one who broke you,

is the only one who can fix you.."

well it is true right?

I cry for the time
that you were almost mine,
I cry for the memories
I've left behind,
I cry for the pain,
the lost, the old the new,
I cry for the times
I thought I had you

You are always there for me
and so you give me the courage to stand alone.

please,,

until when am i gonna suffer this pain?

i feel like it's a very heavy punishment cause'

it has been a month and a half and until now you're in my dreams

trying to destroy me over and over again

why can't you just let me go?

i meant, set me free from this pain you built in me

i'd rather live my life alone, without you

than living with this pain forever, please

i'm tired, i just wanna have one night to sleep with happiness

and not nightmares about you

i wanna have a life without wasting a tear for you

i wanna have fun without your memories

stop making me love you so much

i'm not a fool for you, and i won't be.

in this game, no one lost because you gave up

this game for two, you cheated

i wanna end this, so please let me, and make it happen~!

been two days...

and after reading one site on the net

about how to move on..

gawd, i'd say its pretty awesome..

and it does work.

look at me now,, hehe..finally feeling free.

no more distraction, free to love. hehe ^^

haiz, i can't believe someone on the net

could help me get over a jerk.

xP next time, when i have my heart broken,

i'll count on you!

thank you so much~ means a lot to me.

goodbyes~

saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave behind that is tough. goodbyes makes you think. they make you realize what you've had, what you've lost and what you've taken for granted. sometimes you have to let go of someone to see if there's anything to hold on to. i don't wanna wake up and realize what i was dreaming was right in front of my shut eyes. i don't wanna stop saying hello for fear of saying goodbye. don't want to leave but we both know sometimes it's better to go. somehow i know we'll meet again, not quite sure where and i don't know just when. you're in my heart so until then, i wanna smile and cry saying goodbye.

My Destiny - Jim Brickman (with lyrcs)

unfair~

ah,,another new day has come. another new story to deal with, another thing to do, another problem to solve. when is it ever gonna finish? or when is it gonna give me a break?

i'm tired of dealing with the heart that you broke, i'm tired fixing it back. how can i? when it decided to stay broken? when we were together, love was the greatest give ever i've received.

but now that you're gone, love was just another word i'm not meant to learn.

i stopped everything i started when we live and laugh as one, now i don't know how will i start again when i don't know my path. you said you own me, my heart and my soul. i deeply thought you meant those words, but i just realized those words weren't yours. i never regret meeting you, because somehow i've learned something for you. in this game you started, i did not lose and you did not win. it was just given to both of us to learn how long can be weak from strong and low from high. because those days i spent with you, wasn't enough for me to treasure. i miss it, i know i'm not suppose to and i'm not suppose to wish i can turn back the time. it's forbidden in my city - unforgettable pain villa. it's hard, i'm tired, i wanna stop but i just can't. something hold me back, why can't they just let us go? from the time you left me, i couldn't look at other guys, i couldn't like them, no matter how cute or handsome they are. my heart is like dead, i can't feel anything, except the pain that you left. why can't i have my freedom? what's the price of breaking my heart? huh? you think you'll get a better girl because you've dated me? you think girls are impressed? No! you gave love a bad name, no one will appreciate you, only me.. because i had appreciate, and i still do. i don't wanna say the words i have in my mind. i don't wanna be declined for the 5th time. so i'll shut up and wait.

how can you offer me the moon, stars, sun, clouds. when you can't even give me your heart? how can you love me when you can barely look at me after a mistake you did? how can you not give me another chance when you can forgive? how? why? i don't understand, it's unfair.

my recent love story...

he was the only person i liked for a very long time, ever since i entered my 2nd year high school in a new college, i started admiring him. it is because he is funny, lovely, friendly and very attractive. but his friends told me he is not the boyfriend material for girls like me. since he doesn't know i like him, i took the opportunity to get to know him better with his friends help. but not until the chance is given to me. when i went up to 3rd high school, it happened i was in the same class with all his closest friends. and one day, one day... he joined my class. i became closer with his friends and to him as well. the first mistake i did was letting myself get closer to him while i'm pulling myself away from my friends. as time go by, slowly his friends were trying to tell me it's time for him to know, but i don't know why they said that so. during our sports day rehearsal, i caught him twice or more looking at me. although it was not the first time. there was a part where he held my hand to help me get up. his friends were all teasing us. and i think he figured it out. right after the sports day, his friends told me as soon as i came inside the class that he liked me as well, i was shocked because he was there too, and his friends did not know. but all i felt was anger, embarrassment and curiosity. i did not get to see his reaction because i ran away. but deep inside i was happy. so we started talking to each other, and texting each other. we became really close. i became the person "he always ask for notes he missed out" and he 'became the person "i always ask for homeworks when i'm not around" his friends, became my bestfriends and my friends became his friends and formed one group just to keep us together. but not until we moved up to 4th year, we got separated again. but then, we're always together. my friends told me its time for him to know what i feel for him too. so i told him and things started to change. like the way he calls me, the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me and the way he smile at me. but then after 1 month, he broke my heart. i guess i made another mistake and that is not knowing one thing about him. he is not trustworthy of anyone's heart. his friends told me so, i did not listen. i thought i changed him. i did, temporarily.