Happy?

So far today is different. Slept well last night, but damn late. Well the good news, he wasn't on my mind, neither of them. I don't know why. Although I'm happy, partly yes, party no. But maybe I missed either of them. I just don't know who. I don't know how to choose, and again I don't know why. But I can differentiate, the good and bad types. *Laughs*

- && Chelsi

I have asked for it...

I asked for a sign, he had given me. Indirectly but too obvious. It's been A day, A day. And I can't get it off my mind. I thought I could forget it by sleeping, but, amf! I slept and woke up having the same damn thing. What to do? I'm clueless.

So yeah, I asked for a sign, I guess he gave me one. I feel like I'm running away from who I am now. It's like, I'm trying to hide and make excuses just to go back to the old me. I don't get it, not at all. Even though I know I ran out of chance, why do I keep going on and expecting to even have one. Is there a reason why? If there is, what could it be? Would it be because he might give me another chance? Or maybe because he is ready to accept me again? Or, maybe because I'm stupid and God just made this up so I could wake up from the dream I'm still believing and dreaming of.

I don't know. But I'd like to know, because I'm curious. I just wanted to prove myself that I have something worth believing for. I just wanted to hear you say you love me too even for one last time. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you that I still care. That I'm still here waiting, that I will always be here. That I still love you, but everyday I see you, I just can't do it.

You're my strength when I'm weak. You're my voice when I can't speak. You're my eyes when I can't see. You're my friend when I need to be me. And I don't want you to be my tears when I want to cry because I should not have a reason to cry.

I love you. I never loved anyone like this before. I never cried this much for a guy. I never felt this way before. The love, the pain, the endurance, the sorrow, the emptiness. I don't know what to do. You left me with nothing. Nothing but fear to love again. Why can't you just come back, even for a day, just to pull me up once again?

What is the answer to the question WHY?

Why after reading that post, I had second thoughts. Why after reading that post, suddenly I wasn't sure anymore. Can someone tell me why. I'm confused even though I know I should not be. At that moment, things turned out to be different and unexpected. Honestly, I was affected. I actually thought, he meant ME. But people said, it can be anyone. But why do I feel this? Is it, by any chance, it could be me?

I wanna know so badly who it was meant for. And I don't know why. It's crazy and stupid, but it's how i felt it. The past started to take over my mind and I've been thinking about him and just him all night. It took me 2 hours to get myself to sleep. Why do I have to see it? Why now? Why can't it be tomorrow or some other day? I suddenly missed him and forgot what's going on. I suddenly realized that I still do. I din't wanna believe, I din't wanna accept it. But it's the fact and I can't do anything to change it. Is this what they called FATE? Is this MY fate? I hope not. I don't wanna go back to old life, because I was half dead letting go of it. It almost killed me, and who would want to go back to a miserable life? Well it turned out to be a miserable one, but I actually miss it. Although deep inside, my most memorable memories was built in my most fearless, miserable life. But I won't risk again just to have another good memories. But I'd definitely go back there if only that moment can give me perfect and good memories.

So I'm asking one last time, give me a sign God. Tell me or show me what I have to do to send my conscience to peace. I need to know, don't you think?

Angel Of mine.

I feel so good. I didn't know that there's someone out there who could love me better than the way he did. I'm just so happy that finally I've moved on and living a new life with my new guy. I'm thankful enough to have him, and i hope we'll grow longer and stronger. So far, he's been really sweet and caring and he really loves me. I just don't know what to say, every time he says "I love you". I'm speechless. I guess he is one in a million. He's different, way different from everyone.