the let go~

you know i gave up forever to be with you, i gave up my decisions and plans for you, i know you did not ask me to but i still did because i love you. you're the closest to heaven that i ever laid my eyes of and i would never want to look away i knew sooner or later everything we had will be over you know i don't wanna miss you so much, after everything ended i did not want the world to see me because at first i accused them that they would never understand me but they knew everything was made to be broken and i don't want them to know who i really am because you, you the person i love don't even know who i really am. time passes, and i watched my dreams go by. i lie on the sand watching sea birds fly, wishing there could be someone waiting home for me, something is telling me it might be you and something told me, it MUST be you. wondering how everything started and ended too fast. so many quiet walks to take, so much dreams to fake and too much love to make. i think all we need is time. i have given you 1 month of my attention, im only asking for another month of understanding. wished you'd come back on time. i looked back as lovers gone walking very fast, all of my life i have kept so much words no one has ever heard before. i prepared that for you, but yet you left. it'll just for you no matter what. i've been waiting for you all of my life. you came, but you left too early you know that? i did not even realized you were there with me. i just noticed when you left. so maybe the sayings were true "you'd never realize someone is important until it left..." every time i see you, my time stops running. all that matters, is our love ever after, i knew there'd be no love nor life after you. the last time we talked, broken me down into pieces. i couldn't get up nor look around. then i knew, i'll be dying without you. you can ignore me anytime as you like, you can avoid me as you wish, you can dislike me as you wanted, just tell me and i'll grant it. its not that easy, but you know me, i'll do and try everything for you. even though it's a risk, or pain, or even death love. but always remember, i'm doing everything for a reason. and the reason is you, you who broke my heart. if this is my way of healing, this is still the way of me getting back up and loving you. love me or hate me, i don't care. i know what i'm doing, i know when i will stop and when will i give up. don't make me change my mind, that's what you told me to do, so don't stop me because i did not stopped you. not at all, not even once. the only mistake was, i did not stop you from breaking my heart. i can still remember yesterday, we were so in love in a very special way. knowing that you love me, make me feel so good. now that you're gone, i feel so lost and don't know what to do. each and everyday i think of you, while doing that my tears roll down with all it's might. now i have to accept that i'll be standing alone from now and will face tomorrow on my own. even though you're gone, a piece of you will always be in my heart. i wished it could be just like before, i miss your smile, i miss your kiss. i wished i could have given you so much more, but even though i did not, i still gave you my all. letting you go was the hardest thing to do, but i love you so that's why i'll set you free. i know someday, somehow, i'll find a way to leave it all behind me because i know as well we're not meant to be. but before i let you go completely, i want to say once more, i love you and i always will. you're like the song in my car, the only song i keep repeating. *laughs* *tear* i'm trying to fake my smile, so you'd smile, that's the only way to see you smile at me again. i wonder if you know, you're still all i think about all night. you're the reason why there's tears on my guitar, on my computer, on my book, on my face. somehow i'm lucky to have you, correction, i was lucky that i had you. i miss you so much~ i hope you know that. you're the star i always stare at, i always wish at. hope you know that. till our next meeting. i'll be writing to you again soon. live long and be happy. as i suffer in pain to see you smiling.

love lots,

chels,

=(

i admit

its really hard to let you go

but tonight is the last night

i'll be writing stuffs and letters for you

you may hate me if you need to

you may forget me if you have to

you may curse me if you want to

and i don't mind, not at all

to show you how much i love you

i'll let you go if that's the only way to make you happy

the person before you had me at me at my worst

and you had me at my best

you know you were lucky, not until

you broke my heart...

Fuck~

the song "its gonna make sense"

told me, after i clear my eyes

i will see the light somewhere in the darkness

but i don't see any light...

i don't see anything, you know what i can see?

i can see my heart broken into two.

one for you, another one for me.

(bullshit)

i am keeping both, why should i gave you the other half? you broke it remember?

you know, how much i ---- you??

so much~!!!!!!!!! you're lucky that the girl that you LOVED still loves you even though you're

being an asshole~!!!!

and plus, the four letter word ain't LOVE..

it's HATE ok~???

sorry, did not mean to hate you...

but you gave me a reason~

anyways,, forget the past... =) hehe,,coz i already have forgiven you, so now time to move on and forget you.. =) so i wanna ask, how are you? as u can see, i am a bit ok now? much better than the other day. lol ^^ i admit i kind of missing you, but let's just say i don't care anymore?

hehe =) woot,,yes~ i don't care anymore... ^^ i like someone else, just like you, you like someone else too fast... fuck!

i love you still

ever dearest you,

it's been a week. and i still make myself believe that you'll come back even though now i know that you won't and it'll never happen. i guess i really have to move on now. i can't believe YOU, it's you who can make me give up. if ever you plan to come back around somewhere in the future, don't dare to show up when i'm almost over you ok?

the other day, you apologized for all the stress you've put me in. i'm still me. i can easily fall in. so i forgive you. i forgive you for leaving me, for destroying me. but somehow, i thank you, cause you taught me how to get back up. but in a very hard way. wow. i can't imagine, been suffering in this pain for 5 days... how come i feel it's still not enough?

how come everything became so serious back then? and only now i realized, we shouldn't have done it seriously. don't worry, i'll always write a letter to you, here, on blog. so just visit yea?

hehe =)

i thought this fairytale will come true. all i ever wanted was to hold you close to me. embrace your heart. and spend my time with you. but i guess, you came to me as a gift. a gift that won't last long. not long enough for me to handle. but in my eyes, you're the best present i've received. and i did not took you for granted, i did not ask for any exchange. so i'm thanking you again, for making me happy, at least for a month.

thank you for being with me, standing by my side and being the light of my life. for the last time, i wanna say i love you, and i always have. i don't know whether i could still feel this in the future. (lol) remember? when we're still friends, when we still don't have an idea that i'd like you and you'd do. i could remember the day i told you i have feelings for you... you were watching transformers in the cinema. and i sent you a message because i realized i like you. =)

then you replied and told me you were in the cinema and then you said: you know, get that weird feeling too. i think i like you too... =) <~ i memorized that... cause` it's memorable.. xP

i can still remember texting you the whole day and never get tired of it. it's been a long time for me to keep that feelings for you jun, it's been 2 years since that day i told you. i couldn't believe i still do until now, so no doubt i'd still feel the same thing for you in the future.

well who knows, but i believe that so. i don't think you'll feel the same thing. but let me be honest, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. =) and another thing to be honest about is, i can't pretend to be strong anymore. so if you don't like me anymore, please let me like you. if thats the only way for me to feel at least a lil` better.

friends? like before? i miss it... =(

hope i'll get a reply...

loves,

chels =)