Words Unspoken

I don't know how to start to tell you how much I wish I was there by your side. I don't know how I managed to wait for 7 months to see you, but after being with you after that long wait, for 3 weeks, it wasn't so hard to get used to be around you even for a short time. But then I didn't realize that it would be so hard to again get use to being far apart, to accept that I had to leave again. 

It's been a week or two and I still can't get over of my 3 weeks stay with you, that almost everyday I spend with you. But now, they are all just memories. It's still so hard to accept that I had to wait for another long days, long weeks, long months before I get to see you again. Then I have come to realize that I need to let go of those times, that I need to accept that those days had passed by so that time will fly and take me until the day I'd be standing in front of you again. Until the day, I'd be seeing you smiling, looking at me. I hope you know I would do anything to be with you, but if only I can do something, you know I would. I hope you can still wait for me.

There are more of me to say, but I just can't get the right words. I don't know how will I deliver you my message. But I Love You, I always will. Despite the smiles and laughter you brought to my life, there are pain, tears, sorrow but you never left, you were never gone and thank you. 

Simply Joyful

And so I fell in love with him. I fell hard. Karlo is the one, I'm sure and I'm confirm. With him, I like the 'Me'. 

Suddenly he is the best thing that happened to me, in my life. I don't know, but this feeling is really uncontrollable. Wish I could explain it more for you guys, but it's just so hard for me to do so.

He proposed! We're gonna celebrate the Engagement Party soon then followed by the Pre-wedding. And guess what? You're all invited! 

You know that moment when you just want to share something?

Turtle Neck Top from Cinderella

High Waist Mini Shorts from Forever 21

Stiletto Covered Black from Vincci 

Support my Look book account and hype looks as many as you can! I am as well inviting you to start your own look book and share your style and your own taste of fashion. 

Check mine out cause you just might like it. Be a member and be my Fan and expect I'd fan you back. http://lookbook.nu/chelsiholic

Always Loving

So yeah, I came back to announce to my readers, blogwalkers, visitors, fans and friends that I'm very happy to be the person I am today because of someone. This someone was one of the person I used to know back in 2006, which was a very long time ago. Then all of sudden he appeared from no where. He was someone I used to like and back in December, someone I used to like, LIKES me.

We went out on a date twice and got to know more about each other. But sadly I had to head back to Kuala Lumpur and before that happened, he confessed. Getting a boyfriend wasn't my plan that's why I came back to Philippines. I went back there to forget pain, sorrow and to let go of tears. But I guess, I picked up a new reason for those things to happen. Stupid right? But if I have not done that, I won't be happy now. At some point of this happiness, there's a part of it that I will cry, sat in one corner and complain to the world and throw anger at somebody or something else.

But at most of the time, we manage to fix things but at some point there will still be pain. How can I let go of my ego? Or swallow my pride? All I asked was attention since he couldn't give me hugs, kisses nor even cuddles. By the way, we're in a long distance relationship. Do I have a right to complain to the world now? Why must it be so unfair??

I need advice. Please! I'm desperate. I am now calling upon my readers to comment below. Thank you!

What you missed

Hi. I'm back! =)

After a couple of weeks, I went back to my country to enjoyed my Holidays with my families. I was too lonely to stay alone in Malaysia for Christmas so I decided to used up notes and headed back. Two or three days later, I ran into my friend; an old friend. I remembered how we first met, it was on November. That time I was already seeing Daniel and at the same time, we are already having problems and misunderstanding.

This guy was flirting, and honestly I didn't entertained him. Cause I was too busy of finding out whether Daniel is the one and stupid too for not paying attention to him because....

On December 26th, we ran into each other again, on facebook and had a little conversation. Back in November, he really tried his best to get me, but I was so in love with Daniel so I kind of blew him off then he disappeared. So when I got back in the Philippines, we had a time together on December 27th, Yes I know, it was damn fast. But nothing is wrong with is it? It's just a day out. But when the day ended, it happened to be a date. He confessed and cursed me for rejecting him a month ago. It was a wonderful day and I was flattered. He sent me home then we just text messaged each other every single day. I guess I spent a lot of money on credit.

On December 29th, I finally said yes. We actually had deal that we'll be together after 2 years, after we both graduate. But I guess, our hearts just can't wait that the 2 years deal turned out to be 2 days. We got to know each other better and spent more time together. With him, I felt so different.

This time, it's not him that is different, ITS ME that is different and that difference was there only when he is around. And I like being different, I love the feeling, I love ME when I'm with him. He changed me a lot. In so many ways that I can never explain one by one. It's just magical and wonderful. It's just different from the rest, especially from Daniel. This time, there is a real spark.

To be continued....

The Result

So yeah. I and Daniel's journey ended. But that doesn't mean my life stopped. I went through a lot of sufferings, emptiness and pain. Then I had too much so I decided to just stand back up and moved on. Gladly, after a couple of weeks I was free from the past's nightmares and enjoyed my Christmas holiday. Yeah, I stopped blogging for quite some time, I admit, I tried to run away from the memories left behind here. But I realized it didn't help me at all, not even bit. That's why I came back, faced it and decided to write a new post for you guys; my lovely readers and believers.

So this is what happened while I was single and mentally happy.

Got my hair dyed, decided to grow it longer and had a bit of a haircut. So this is the fashion makeover. The NEW me after a short but wild journey with Daniel.

I am not mad. I was thankful actually. You wanna know why? Wait for my next post!

i thought...

i really thought i'm gonna be stuck forever under him.

hell no. thank god i managed to survive the down swing of life.

that day, that moment he said he is okay and i can just go,

is the time i finally accepted i lost the stupid game.

and yes i lost but doesn't mean i lost forever.

so i stood up and move on.

and it happened, surprisingly, i did.

i have moved on. finally i'm awake from my deepest dreams.

good morning chels~

God！

我爱你。我想你。and 我不知道，=(

Yeah!

Yeah CheLs.

Get over him.

When he left, he left.

He won't come back.

He is gone.

So you better go on your own way too.

You have a life.

You're beautiful, strong, brave.

And you ain't living to let someone tear you down.

There's no room for tears nor emotional moments.

It's holiday bitches.

Enjoy life, cause it's too short to make it longer for someone.

Especially for someone who chose to make it shorter.

Wo Bu Zhi Dao!

I`m always told to forget him. But no matter what I do, I just can't. They asked me to think of the worst thing he has ever done to me and fuck him off. But no matter how bad things could get worse between me and him, there will always be good memories that I will forever cherish and that will always outweigh the bad moments.

我不知道，I don't know why I love him so much. I don't know why I loved him too much. He has something that keeps me coming back. He has something that makes me love him more each day. Something I cannot figure out. Something no one knows, something that only God can explain. I hope that something will lose it's hope like how I lost them. But it seemed to be stronger than me. It seemed to have a control over me.

I hate him, so much. But a part of me will always love him. I am a brave and strong lady. I never walk away from anything. But I`m afraid of one thing and it's to have my heart broken. He broke my heart, scattered them into pieces, and tore me apart, but I don't know why, why I can't just let go.

Without him around me, I smile, I laugh, I enjoy life and pretend that everything's fine. But when he is around me, fake smiles, faded laughter and I feel weak to pretend that things are alright. I get angry, I want to cry, I want throw things, I want to scream and I want to hurt myself when I see him. And I don't know why he affects me so much.

He makes me weak. He can make me cry. He can tear me down and I don't know why. After I met him, after I got my heart broken, I doubted myself,
"Am I still me? Or is this the real me?"
My deepest thoughts said, "Neither, it's someone who lives in you."
I wonder when will the time come that I won't have to cry myself to sleep and hide my true feelings from everybody. I wonder when I can smile without any pain behind it and when I can cry because of joy.

p.s. "I prefer you set me free than me letting you go."


~ CheLs,