p,s. i still love you...

dear ---.

if you still read my blog. this is for you.
i know i made a mistake, i hope you know how much i want to undo things. i never wanted that to happen. i never wanted to let you go, but it's you who made the decisions, as i wrote down there, "your decisions, my answer", if that is your choice, i cant do anything. as you know, i made a vow, a vow that i would never ever break. if i had to live with it forever, i would. because i promised myself not to break any of my promises anymore.

it's hard for me to move on and get on, but i know i have to... its just im scared to accept the fact that it would be easy to move on from the time i'll learn how to forget you. but the truth is, you're still inside. i dont know whether you're coming out or not. if i can make the choices and decisions, i would never want you to come out. you have everything i want to a guy, you gave me all the things i need. for me, you're perfect. im trying to show you im happy for you. well i want you to know its not easy. and im faking. i cant help it.

i know, after you read this, you wont feel sorry or decide to take me back. instead of all that, you'll wish that i could get over you. i wonder how much tears i've cried out, i wanna stop but it's not my fault anymore if it choses to come out. i want to remind you the first day we got together. you told me, you'll never let me go whatever happens. you'll understand me. you'll love me for who i am. but it's ok, i guess you've forgotten that, but i forgive you for breaking my heart. you don't know how many stars i wished on just to have you back. and i'll never get tired on wishing million times, i know one day, one day they'll grant it. coz i promised you i'll never give up, and i'll prove them that i can keep that promise.

that book i always tell you tells me the truth. the book said:
"you'll face the wheel of love, now that you succeed the wheel of life, you enjoyed one month or two on top, suffer now that your going down, don't worry, love comes round."
well i hope it'll come round back on top, back to the times when you were mine. you don't know how much i miss you, coz i know you wont miss me even though you're heart does. when i said i cannot survive without you, i meant it. and i feel like dying now. it's just the 3rd day apart from you. apart i meant, our hearts completely separted. i cannot accept the fact that you're gone. i have so much more to write but... it'll be a waste if you wont read it.

wish i can stop now. stop everything or put on hold. even the feelings i have now, i wish i could put it on pause for atleast 5 mins. coz i really cant get over you. believe me, i want to move on. something holds me back, asking me to wait... should i???



p,s. i still love you...




love,
chels~